Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/01/12/making-mario-batalis-sexual.html
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Pizza dough… for cinnamon rolls…
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Because I’ve rolled them too tightly, the middle pops up and out of one of the rolls.
One of the cinnamon rolls has a fucking erection.
Missed opportunity for a joke about victim-blamers here, but otherwise if you want some out-loud laughs this is a great article.
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Yeah, that confused me, too. Pardon me for stating the obvious but pizza dough is intended to be very glutenous, chewy, stretchy, so that you can form thin rounds, and savoury. I like them cracker-thin and crisp. You want sweetroll dough to be soft, tender, shortened, and y’know, sweet. It’s completely baffling.
edit: Put garlic powder and paprika in pizza dough. You’re welcome.
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Maybe ol Mario should have called them his ‘no f!cks to give ‘apology’ cinnamon rolls’
I will say I read his statement and felt he may learn a better path, then came the f’ing recipe.
You have got to be kidding me.
And we tried this with some extra dough one time: awful combo. (note not his recipe, we just had some extra pizza dough and experimented)
Time to make some sourdough pizza dough!
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Dominos is selling cinnamon rolls from pizza dough over here. Tried it once when I got a coupon for a free sample.
… and that’s exactly what I thought after taking the first bite.
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As a connoisseur of well-crafted snark, and an occasional practitioner, my hat is off to Ms. DeRuiter. Her post is a work of art.
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ever had Numero Uno deep dish pizza? the sweetness mixes very well
Because it was a half-assed thing Batali threw together to distract from the allegations.
Ms. DeRuiter’s essay, on the other hand, is a delightful, if necessarily heavy, meal.
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When I read the initial story of his letter and came to “pizza dough cinnamon rolls,” my instinctual response was, “My god, he is a monster.”
I mean, there is a traditional sweet bread made with something like a pizza dough, except it’s not worked as much, has a syrup put over it that changes the texture, and it’s not trying to be a cinnamon roll.
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^^^ that’s the problem right there ^^^
Dominos is pretty good for chain pizza, however i really dont bother with any of their sides
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He should have put in the best goddamn recipe he could find. And then he would have the joy of seeing how little it assuaged those he has wronged.
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It’s kind of like ending an apology with “fuck you.” No, not “like,” it’s exactly that.
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Ground dried porcini.
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When I heard about the accusations, only knowing Batali by his genial, bright persona, I thought “wha! No way! Not Mario Batali!” and when I started reading his “I accept all responsibility” apology, I was momentarily struck by his frankness and willingness to take the blame. Good on you, Mario.
One paragraph later, he’s offering a fucking recipe for cinnamon pizza rolls, and any whiff of sympathy vanished. Fuck that guy.
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Not just that, but the anecdotes peppered throughout hit pretty hard. Even though I have heard all this and more from close women friends already.
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Ugh. Bastards.
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