Originally published at: Man banned from touching cars - Boing Boing
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Admittedly, when I clicked the baity headline, I was expecting his alleged crime to be more Vancian in nature. A basic B&E pales to the weirdness potential out there.
“But m’lord, I only wanted to show it a good time.”
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May he touch something which is touching said cars? (i’m reminded to believe legal wordings tend to be precise about such matters) …a crowbar leaps to mind.
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Can cars touch him or does that cost extra?
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Yes, I think the headline was rather leading us in that direction… and not just because of the knowledge that there are a lot of car fetishists.
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Rehab is probably more effective, even with poor success rates for compelled courses, than prison.
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OK, first thought:
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I was expecting something more J. G. Ballard-like.
He dreamed of ambassadorial limousines crashing into jack-knifing butane tankers, of taxis filled with celebrating children colliding head-on below the bright display windows of deserted supermarkets. He dreamed of alienated brothers and sisters, by chance meeting each other on collision courses on the access roads of petrochemical plants, their unconscious incest made explicit in this colliding metal, in the heamorrhages of their brain tissue flowering beneath the aluminized compression chambers and reactions vessels.
― J.G. Ballard, Crash
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With his skill set, he could work on behalf of banks and other financial institutions repossessing cars when the registered owners default on their car loans. (Since the banks hold the vehicle title, he would be “stealing” them back at the behest of the owners/lienholders.)
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This had better be about Jack Vance’s Dying Earth stories, probably a crime of ludicrous male vanity or pride, maybe with some ioun stones.
Because any other kind of “Vancian” needs a smack down!
/shakes tiny angry fist! 
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I shall not cause harm to any vehicle nor the personal contents thereof, nor through inaction let that vehicle or the personal contents thereof come to harm.
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The Mercury Mistress.
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The other Vance also tells stories about crimes “of ludicrous male vanity or pride”.
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Hey! All of Jack Vance’s Dying Earth main characters were deeply flawed individuals, but not a one could be described as a tawdry furniture fluffer! 
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I like touching the cars at Concours d’Elegance. Hopping in and rolling the windows up and down. You know. the usual.
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20-minute chase through the historic East End of Sheffield
Does the Lower Don Valley count as Historical?
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They are a bad lot.
Obligatory
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There are car fetishists and then there are car fetishists.
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And in the case of some of them Car Fascishists
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