My mistake. I forgot it was draft weekend.
2 Likes
What, you don’t want to hear “I give it 5 months, tops” on your wedding day? Alright. Fine.
7 Likes
Actually no, I’m not clear how me voicing my concern comes across as making life needlessly more difficult. I expressed respect for non-traditional relationships, but expressed concern about large age gaps in relationships involving children, which has nothing to do with the number of people in the relationship or their gender.
That might “come across” in a negative way, but unfortunately I can only control the content of my post - not the emotional makeup of the reader. 
1 Like
I feel like writing a comment on Boing Boing is probably more on par with joking with a friend on the ride home than a stage whisper at the reception 
You give it five months?
I admire your optimism. I can reconsider.
1 Like
It was a pretty damn good speech; and as an afterthought, I’m kinda bummed that series is finished.
2 Likes
hope their health insurance works out.
4 Likes
Man my anime history has me normalized to this situation.
Been reading a rom com manga of a poly relationship. Guy in it is an asshole though.
1 Like
Did they decide this before they had 4 kids or after? That’s quite a bombshell to drop on someone. Maybe they are okay with it, maybe they are playing along, maybe they are barely holding it together.
I am just saying, in every poly relationship I have been witness to, there was some circumstantial other factors. Kids, finances, etc. I haven’t seen any in more ‘equitable’ relationships. In theory it’s fine, I suppose.
Just remember: If you are poly, you are more likely to get mono.
I’m not saying the poly have a monopoly on mono. But it is a concern.
4 Likes
Thats silly, Your’e silly.
3 Likes
Individually it isn’t the problem. But this kind of advice given publicly on the internet and in the media is vastly disproportionately aimed at relationships that are seen as non-traditional. The net effect is the world telling the people in those relationships, who already face a more difficult time being accepted for who they are and how they love each other, what they’re doing wrong and how it’s likely to mess up their children. It becomes a prevailing force that works against their acceptance while letting others doing the same things eliciting criticism but in a more traditional relationship coast along without resistance.
Sometimes it really is being done disingenuously by people who want to find fault with non-traditional relationships. But I believe far more often, as in your case, it’s sincere criticism you would give to anyone, but which is expressed publicly almost elusively about them because they happen to be in the news where the public discussions happen.
A lot of people read Boing Boing, and a significant number of those read the comments. More over, when people are being discussed in a public forum that has Boing Boing’s level of visibility, there’s a good chance those people or the other people in their meatspace lives are going to read those comments.
Anyway, I’m not trying to take you to task. That’s between you and yourself. I’m just pointing out why a lot of people get sick and tired of the public negging on people.
11 Likes
There’s a podcast called Polyamory Weeky, which has relationship advice that applies to everybody, not just the poly-minded. A single Significant Other is more than most people are prepared to deal with, so if they can manage kids and poly, I’m very impressed.
8 Likes
Did you hear about Poly Esther?
She wouldn’t cotton to havin’ just one pardner!
4 Likes
“Middle aged divorced dad with kids is dating 22 year old woman” isn’t as unique, and thus wouldn’t be on the front page of Boing Boing, and thus you wouldn’t see or hear criticism of that poor decision.
I’m ok with that. Those meatspace people hopefully will take a hard look at whether they’d have this much concern about a divorced dad with a young new girlfriend. If they don’t like me discussing it at all, one solution to avoiding having me discuss your personal life is to not allow reality television cameras into your home.
It sounds to me like you are doing exactly that - impying me I should refrain from expressing a perfectly valid and reasonable opinion because it, alongside mean spirited comments, could contribute to someone’s hurt feelings. Hence me getting a bit irritated. I can’t control anyone’s actions but my own.
Shrugs, I have no Idea what others would find “inequitable” about my relationships, but I can’t see how they are any more complicated than my married/divorced/still single friends.
We’ve had problems but they never seem unique. Even the jealousy stuff comes up in monogamous relationships with friends and coworkers etc.
It’s just easy for others to point and say it’s the fault of being poly when typical problems arise.
11 Likes
Wait, so SK doesn’t get jealous…
That alone makes me fear for the long term viability of this relationship.
Otherwise, tell me when this becomes in anyway my business.
I love that show.
These relationships aren’t as odd or unique as you would expect. Just seldom talked about.
10 Likes
That’s my point.
Why is it whenever people express these heartfelt concerns for total strangers they don’t know, they automatically assume these things never occurred to those people or the people around them, and that it wasn’t ever questioned until a bunch of internet commenters came along to drop their wisdom from on high?
sigh No, I am saying your umbrage at people criticizing you for it, and your irritation at me for trying to explain why they’re criticizing your comments, come across as someone who is willing to condescend to and criticize the lives of people you’ve never met, but bristles at being called out for it.
And hurt feelings aren’t what are at stake. The toleration of people who are different is. That prevailing force isn’t a problem because someone feels bad. It’s a problem because it legitimizes bigots’ view that people not like them are less human, because otherwise why would they be catching all the flak for doing the same things more accepted people do; and the fact that you’re probably not a bigot and probably don’t consider those bigots’ prejudices legitimate doesn’t lessen the message your contributing to.
Let’s be quite clear about something. Criticism isn’t censorship. I’m not implying anything. I’m telling you what I think about your judgemental comments. And hey, you can continue to be surprised when people judge your judgemental comments. But there’s no reason to be. It runs both ways.
Lastly, when someone simply assumes people are publicizing their differences for vanity instead of working to become accepted members of society, it tells me more about the person making that assumption than it says about the people to whom they’re ascribing the worst motives. And it rhymes a lot with people who automatically think the worst of LGBT people. Especially when, after having it pointed out to them in a calm and civil manner, they just get prickly and double down.
ETA: And I’m trying really hard not to get prickly in turn, but I’m exhausted and hungry and in danger of succumbing to the same tetchiness. I generally enjoy most of your comments here on the BBS, and I have no wish to participate in an angry debate where we’re talking past each other. So I’m going to terminate my end of our little conversation and return to the thread topic proper. I’ve pretty much said all I have to say about this tangent. Good evening.
16 Likes
