Mike Huckabee: Ted Nugent good, Beyoncé bad


My brother is a gun-nut NRA member, and he thinks Ted Nugent’s stance on weapons is scary.


Considering that Mike Huckabee has truly terrible opinions on a variety of significantly more important subjects, I do not find his lack of taste in music particularly distressing.


Huckabee laughed and expertly steered the conversation to his book, which promotes a view of America as a clash between the “bubbles” of New York, Washington, and Hollywood, and “the land of the Bubbas,” which is basically everywhere else.

For instance Vicco, Kentucky. Oh, wait, Huckabee probably doesn’t watch The Colbert Report, so he must have missed that segment.


I always find attempts to judge and/or explain Ted Nugent by human standards perplexing.


My hat’s off to Jon Stewart. He is one cool cucumber, because when I watched that interview, all I could think of was wanting to strangle Mr. Huckabee. I pictured Stewart reaching over the desk and shaking him by the throat - “WTF are you talking about!!!?”
I like when Mike asks who he would rather have come by if his car was broken down on the side of the road - two good old boys with a pickup, or a guy in a BMW. Ultimately, Jon has the correct answer (quickly stated), you call AAA… But I’d take a ride from a guy in a BMW as well so I could come back and get my car towed.
But the ULTIMATE answer is - WTF does that have to do with the question of why said good old boys hate gay people. Or think that the earth is 6000 years old, or think that Jesus wrote the Constitution.
Those of us “coastal elites” don’t mind having conversations about policy, but fucking dumbasses need to stop telling me that my wife and I should fear our neighbors because they want marriage equality… Fuck off.


Despite finding Ted’s music mildly diverting at best and downright soporific at worst, I find the knee-jerk imputation that the narrator of “Jail Bait” is The Nuge himself troubling. We live in an era of truly disgusting first person lyrical content, which is (often rightly) regularly explained away as “story telling” and “character building” and “observation.” Surely this is a similar example.


Wait, you mean there’s not an actual human illness called “Cat Scratch Fever”??? There are a whole lot of cats I’ve met in the last 40-something years who probably thought I was a total dick for not wanting to come within 10 yards of them…

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When I was a kid, my mom was driving with three kids under 10, and the car quit on the freeway. She kind of freaked out, without wanting to scare us. BMWs flipped her off, most people just kept going, but a man in a big rig and a group of hippies in a piece of crap van stopped to help. They pushed us off the freeway. Years later, I was on the side of a rural highway with my car overheating. So many cars drove by, cops even. The only person to stop was a man in a big rig, who gave me some water and made sure I was OK.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m skeptical that the BMW would stop at all. The two guys in a pickup? That’s pretty hit or miss. I’ll go with AAA, unless there is a trucker or a bunch of hippies.

Also, Mike Huckabee can get fucked, hopefully by Ted Nugent, hopefully on video. Or, maybe they can take turns.


I would ship that.

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That is something you’d never be able to un-see, careful what you wish for…
My point about the broken down car thing was that it’s just a typical meaningless question from the likes of Huckabee.


Well, to be perfectly fair, he’s half right. If Nugent handcuffed and raped a 13-year-old girl, he would probably go to jail. It’s the “bait” part we disagree on.


Huckabee says we’ve got trouble –
Right here in River City –
Trouble with a capital T which rhymes with B and that spells Beyoncé!


Other variables to consider in this hypothetical question: What is the skin color of the driver whose car broke down? Is he wearing a turban or a t-shirt adorned with a rainbow flag? Is the “good ol’ boy” driving this pickup truck the political donor who Mike Huckabee granted clemency to in 2003 after his fourth drunk driving conviction in six years, over the strong objections of local prosecutors and law enforcement?


I like how he tries to say cat Scratch fever is intended for adults. That song is aimed squarely at teenage boys. So the implication is that it is OK for teenage boys to embrace their sexuality and it is not OK for teenage girls to do the same.


Yeah, Nugent was much classier.

In 1978, Nugent began a relationship with seventeen-year-old Hawaii native Pele Massa. Due to the age difference they could not marry so Nugent joined Massa’s parents in signing documents to make himself her legal guardian


That’s not the point. The point is that people like Huckabee and Bill O’Reilly and other “family values” promotin’ mouthpieces for the GOP get whipped into a rabid frenzy when people like Beyoncé or Common write music that includes violent and/or sexual content, but happily buddy up to (or even perform on stage with) mentally unstable neoconservatives like Nugent who perform music with even more explicit violence and sexual content.


Actually these days, the song is intended for the target advertising demographics of Clear Channel-owned classic rock radio stations…

Ugh. The “Bubble” argument is so reductive. If you want to say that there are “Bubbles”, they seem to exist not just in Washington, LA and NY, but practically every big city and their suburbs.

Dallas is a bubble. Chicago is a Bubble. Kansas City (both of them) are bubbles. Seattle. Portland. Sacramento. San Francisco. Denver. And so on and so forth.

(Scratch that, Portland is a totally different Dimension)

You can’t even really say, “States with larger Rural populations are Red states” because that doesn’t really work all that cleanly either.


That may be the case now, but when it came out, it was aimed right at young boys listening to rock stations - like me. I was 11 when I first heard it.