Originally published at: Milky, the Marvelous Milking Cow is one of the weirdest toys ever | Boing Boing
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I think the most disturbing part is come-hither look in her eye paired with those full, seductive lips.
Who the hell puts lipstick on a cow??
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I remember this toy. Didn’t make my Christmas list oddly. 
Before Start Wars there were three toy aisles.
After Start Wars there was only one toy aisle.
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The kinky is strong in that cow.
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Strange strategy, changing chores into toys. Did they also have a toy toilet you could clean, with pretend poo? Or maybe piggly the bacony pig, which you could cut open for pretend bacon? ;-D
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This was the first toy I remember wanting as a kid. Must have been three or four. I got it for Christmas and loved it. Sometimes I would milk the cow and then make her drink her own milk again because, you know, I was weird. My mom said when she brought it home the box mooed and she was afraid I might have heard it.
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When I was 4 or 5 my neighbors had this full kitchen set in a little mini house custom built in their backyard. I was so jealous.
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That’s what happens when you start wars: shortages.
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The same person who put lipstick on a pig? 
But how else you gonna know it’s a lady cow if she don’t have lashes and lipstick! 
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I had one I got at a garage sale. Whatever the milk substance was had un-milkified itself by the time I got it, and so water with a bunch of white flakes in it came out the udder when you used it. It got put into service as an obstacle to nerf the crossbows in Crossbows & Catapults.
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I thought you might have gone with an udder joke…
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This literally looks like furry porn…
The big question is, what was in that mysterious pretend milk, and was it edible?
My guess? Something in the udder unit through aerators or filters introduces lots of air when the water is squirted out, and so it looks like milky water, but it just water with lots of air in it.
I remember camping one time and went to one of those water spouts where you raise the handle and the water gushes out. I filled up a buck and it was super white like milk. I was like, “WTF, dad?” and he told me about the air thing.
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The toy came with what I think were baking soda tablets. The udder would unscrew and you’d place a couple tablets in them. Then the water would mix with them and out would come the “milk”. When I ran out of the tablets, we just dumped a small spoonful of regular baking soda in the udder.
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It also just occurred to me that you could theoretically put sugar cubes in it and have the cow drink absinthe. An interesting way of mixing your absinthe.
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that’s what i remember, too – although i never had one, but i do remember wanting one. somebody i knew must have gotten one for xmas or something. anyway, i distinctly remember putting tablets in the udder. the 70s were kinda strange in retrospect.
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You said it brother…
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That’s so you know it’s Milky and not Spunky the Super Semen-Doning Bull.
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Somehow, I don’t think a “Billy the Bull” follow-on would have gone over so well.
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But the one I told was mooooore apt, I thought.
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