Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/06/29/minnesota-politician-arrested-for-assaulting-housemate-with-a-live-tarantula.html
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Surely there is a mistake in the headline. It should read,
Florida politician arrested for assaulting housemate with a live tarantula
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That poor tarantula!
Why did I know Simonetti’s party affiliation from the headline?
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Marisa Christina Simonetti, 30, a candidate for the Hennepin County Board of Commissioners in Minnesota, has been charged with fifth degree assault by a temporary housemate. The housemate, attorney Jackie Vasquez, claims Simonetti threw a living tarantula at her.
yeah! what did the tarantula’s lawyer have to say? and didn’t know assault degrees went up to 5. does it go to 11? (“It’s a decreasing scale, y’know. assault degree 0 involves nuclear weapons”)
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Sounds like a bunch of well-adjusted people, and exactly the sort you want representing you, politically.
[Simonetti] said her platform relied on “family values.”
Yeah, Team Spider.
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Why does every Republican maniac decide they have to run for political office? And relatedly, why do Republican voters keep voting for obvious lunatics?
I still keep expecting to eventually learn that a GOP senator or Supreme Court justice has been identified as the Wabash River Strangler.
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Yeah, Mrs. Leicester was scandalized by this, having had “Henrietta” from school years into grad school where she (the spider, that is) passed from old age.
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Assault with a harmless spider.
The spider had much more to fear in this situation.
The charges should be severe!
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Seems like it, but no… Minnesota of all places! Jeez Louise, dontcha know?
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I had a roommate in college who kept 2 snakes in a supposedly secure cage. The king snake kept escaping and always seemed to take refuge in my basket of dirty laundry, only to be discovered when my infrequent trips to the basement washing machines revealed him.
I wonder if the statute of limitations has run out?
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This looks like a Mad-Lib created headline.
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