Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2020/01/24/planters-peanuts-is-killing-of.html
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Planters Peanuts is killing off their cannibal capitalist mascot in the most capitalist way possible
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We drop our monocles in respect for his passing…
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Press F for peanut butter.
Only one? They could do a whole Death of Superman arc out of it.
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Omens come in roasted and unroasted
My friend turned me on to these peanut snacks from the Philippines. It is a peanut with a hard, very crunchy shell in BBQ, Adobo, butter, or garlic flavor.
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Jack In The Box has issued a statement: “It’s been done.”
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Mr. Peanut is not classy. He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat.
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He’s going to the great roasting barrel in the sky, where he’ll be lightly salted and covered in honey every day for eternity. Thoughts and prayers to his family in their time of nutty sadness.
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Adios Mr. Peanut.
I have spoken.
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Segata Sanshiro did it first.
I can only assume the new Mr. Peanut is going to be a radical teen wearing sunglasses and a backwards baseball cap.
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Need to go back and re-read Avram Davidson’s “The Goobers”
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The FBI is reportedly investigating the possibility that Mr. Peanut’s death was not accidental.
“Take out the Nut,” an unknown speaker is heard saying on a recording made with an FBI wiretap. “If you can make it look like an accident, so much the better. But the Big Man wants him on toast by Friday. Do it right and we’ll have more work for you. The Jolly Green Giant? He’s going down too. Big job, but nothing you can’t handle.”
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I’m kinda ambivalent on this, considering we don’t have peanuts in the house because of an allergy.
You’ll have my attention when Gus the Groundhog is brought to trial and convicted of his many crimes.
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I get that he was selling his own kind to be consumed by humans, but does that make HIM a cannibal? I’m going to need to see evidence of Mr Peanut actually eating peanuts…
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I’m sure morticians are busy embalming him in a honey glaze as we speak.
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If they want to really follow through, tell their customers that Mr Peanut got processed with all the other peanuts, and now he’s a prize to be found in one lucky winner’s jar!
Grand prize, of course, is for the winner to be made into a peanut flavor. In keeping with the good taste of this brand.
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