Police chief decapitates boy's pet chicken


#1

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TSA demands to search man who's already flown
#2

I bet declaring the chicken a boys pet was an afterthought.


#3

Who would expect an ordinance intended to attack poor people to lead to terrorizing a nice white middle class family with a not so exotic pet.
The police chief saw a crime in progress, using his sharp legal skills he turned the felonius farm animal into legal food.


#4

“It’s against city ordinance for a chicken to be in the city and running around in people’s yards,” said Chief Berger.

And what is the penalty of violating that ordinance? Does it state that the chicken is to be immediately killed in a cruel and inhumane method?
What about jay-walking? Is there a city ordinance against jay-walking? And what is its penalty? Amputation of the legs?


#5

Nonsense. Chickens make great pets, and the chief was way out of line.

Edited to add: this doesn’t seem unrelated to other stories of police brutality against humans. I wonder if there’s a grown-up version of the MacDonald Triad?


#6

Chicken out of place.

Regular citizen: “Hey, your chicken is out of place, would you please move it inside?”
Likely outcome: chicken is inside pen.

Aggressive citizen: “Here, I picked your chicken and through it back into your yard.”
Outcome: chicken is inside pen/yard.

Cop: “I clubbed your chicken to death and decapitated it. This will teach you a lesson.”
Outcome: Chicken is dead and decapitated, still outside of pen. We have learned that the cop is a sadistic chicken killer.


#7

Christ, what an asshole.


#8

Good job he did both. You can never be too sure with chickens.


#9

She sounds a lot more confident making that statement than I would be.


#10

I’m sure a thorough investigation by the police department will find that the chicken posed a serious threat that necessitated the chief acting without a warrant.


#11

With a shovel? amateur hour. Why didn’t he use a War on Terror ™ surplus flamethrower, and schwarzeneggerize, er, soliloquize, “regular or extra crispy?” as he roasted the little criminal?

Seriously, though: no warrant?


#12

Let me fix that last sentence.

“It’s against city ordinance for a chicken to be in the city and running around in people’s yards, so I took the law into my own hands” said Chief Berger.


#13

I suppose, at some level, it’s better the police chief did his chicken killing while the family was away.

He could have called in a SWAT team to serve a warrant and let the adult family members spend some time face-down in handcuffs with AR-15s pointed at them while the kids listened to shotgun blasts in the back yard as the rest of the SWAT team killed the illegal poultry.


#14

Cluck the police.


#15

I believe it is to be shot. As was recently shown in a different city.


#16

“It’s coming right for us!”


#17

[quote=“dobby, post:3, topic:40446”]he turned the felonius farm animal into legal food[/quote]There are surely ordinances against the preparation and consumption of meat that does not originate from a licensed slaughterhouse, or something.


#18

I’ve been trying to think what the right way would have been to have resolved the problem.

Police chief delivers a citation to the homeowner, a fine for violating a city ordinance and a requirement that carries the force of a court order to remedy it, with a reasonable period of time for the owners to find proper disposition for their livestock.

If the court order is ignored, you get a warrant and have a regular police officer standing by as animal control confiscates the beasts.

But instead, Chief Chickenshit wanted to show the complaining neighbor some “results” so he entered private property without a warrant, destroyed valuable property without due process, and “accidentally” left a severed head as evidence of his actions.


#19

Kill it, fuck it, ignore it?

mmmmm…

Kill it, fuck it, ignore it?

ooooo…

Kill it, fuck it, ignore it?

ah killit!

What a bastard.


#20

Coq au Napalm is exquisite – the searing heat instantly seals in all the juices.