Powerful Russian Orthodox cleric summoned to spritz computers with holy water to fight ransomware


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/05/17/prophylactic-bricking.html


#2

I hope they are using that new non-conductive holy water.


#3


#4

Not that it makes it significantly less crazy, but the picture is from a common spray-everything-with-water-on-the-first-day Orthodox ceremony from the opening of the Internal Ministry’s new Traffic Control Centre in 2013, rather than in response to WannaCry.
http://www.patriarchia.ru/db/text/3338529.html

AFAIK, it’s even not uncommon for local Churches to offer such wet blessings for new houses and the like. Doing it to fix technological problems would be weird, however.


#5

SUMMON THE TECH PRIEST!


#6


#7

Some viruses respond better to large quantities of highly-conductive water.


#8

This Warhammer 30K larp has gotten out of hand


#9

What a n00b. You should always use non-conductive oil of chrism to bless electrical equipment.


#10

Yep, I’m sure that’ll help.


#11

What are the other cities listed next to the clocks? All I can make out is Moscow on the top.


#12

Data Centre Manager: Oh, hey, someone’s coming in today to beef up security on our servers. Major guy.

Sysop: Great, I can use some extra help, what with the ransomware. What’ll he be doing?

Manager: He’ll be spraying special water on the machines.

Sysop: Wait, what?! This is electronic equipment!

Manager: Don’t worry, he also dresses up in elaborate robes. And a hat! And he chants to an invisible man. What more could you ask for? Ivan? Are you listening?

Sysop: [death rattle from hanging himself by a length of Ethernet cable]


#13

While he’s doing that, I’ll go debug his theology.


#14

You are missing the rest of the story. After the blessing all the encrypted files decrypted themselves and the ransomware was removed! It’s true!


#15

I had a fundamentalist Evangelical roommate that would rub holy oil all over the house, which stained the underlying wood. She was upset when I said: “If you have to do that, please don’t put it on wood”.


#16

The resistance of deionized water is approximately 18.2MΩ.

If the boards are perfectly clean, you can dunk the whole thing into a bucket of deionized water and nothing bad will happen, but that’s a big if.


#17

#18

Cyberpunk twist:

Ransomware infects powerful Russian Orthodox cleric. Where is your God now?


#19


#20

No TechnoPope? I am disappoint.