Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2020/05/11/queens-brian-may-literally-r.html
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Tragic gardening accident?
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In my younger days i dated an ER Doctor and this sounds like of the “excuse-stories” she would tell me about every now and again.
My favorite being about the man who slipped while playing tennis.
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Self-flagellating garden implement?
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Sometimes the excuses are real, like the time when someone was fishing and sat on a barbed hook. Then his friend tried to push it out of his arse cheek with his thumb…
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A bizarre gardening accident.
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Falling ass-backwards onto an upturned rake would do it.
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came here for this. thought i was mis-remembering for a sec, but nope.
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And they say gardening is therapeutic, my ass.
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(Not really on-topic but I’m reminded of a joke – this is from unreliable memory; it was in a joke book by Larry Adler, presumably the Larry Adler)
A guy goes in to see his physician.
“How can I help you today?” asked the doctor.
“Well, Doc, see, it’s like this… This morning I woke up, and there’s a screw in my navel.”
“A screw in your navel, eh? Well let’s have a look.” The doctor proceeded to examine the patient’s navel and the screw therein.
“Well it looks pretty straightforward to me,” declared the doctor. “Here’s what I want you to do. When you go to bed, bring a flathead screwdriver in with you. Just relax, and before you go to sleep, take the screwdriver and remove the screw. Then call me in the morning.”
So, thusly instructed, the patient went home.
The next morning, as he’d been told, the patient called the doctor.
“Ah, good morning,” said the doctor. “How did things go last night? Did you remove the screw like I said?”
“Yes, Doc, I did.”
“Did the screw come loose without much trouble?”
“That’s right, Doc, came right out.”
“Okay, so what happened?”
“‘What happened’?! My ass fell off!”
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I managed to rip my Gluteus Maximus to shreds in a moment of over-enthusiastic gardening.
It turns out that everyone misunderstood the lyrics to “Fat Bottomed Girls” all this time.
It’s really a cautionary tale about how tending to the plants growing in the nursery is a task best left to those with adequate posteriors rather than naive skinny dudes.
Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery, huh
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman, you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!
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I know someone who works as an ER nurse, and my favorite story is the guy who " slipped and fell" on a toilet brush.
Pretty precise aim he had, and of course we all store our toilet brushes bristle side up…
Just imagining it made me pucker for a week.
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Pretty much how I remember the joke. Cracked me up as a kid.
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totally believable, I’ve sat on a treble hook (miserable experience)… but if there was a fish on said hook and this combo was disappeared up the bum… not so believable. albeit a little more retrievable than the tennis ball as long as you let the fish run a few times to tire itself out rather than just spinning away at the reel.
sorry
The version I hear always came with an additional, bonus punchline:
“Oh, that’s terrible- did you manage to re-attach it?”
“Sure, but there’s a crack in it now!”
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