Remember Sea Monkeys? Then you'll love Dinoflagellates


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Now you can bring a red tide directly into your home or office! If Red Tide Ball begins to smoke, seek shelter and cover head. If Red Tide Ball breaks, contents are not to be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not taunt Red Tide Ball. Accept no substitutes!


…you monster.


This would be the perfect pet to bring with me to the nuclear reactor. What could go wrong?!


There is no kind of culture, photosynthetic or not, for which this is true in the long term. It would be better to be open about how long it might last, don’t you think?

Anyway, I like both dinoflagellates and Artemia, but there’s no question which of the two are smarter.


Bitten by radioactive dinoflagellates, @Garymon transforms into GaryMan

When agitated, he begins to GLOW.

That’s it really. Kind of a sucky super power. But at least he has one.


Did they get a new copywriter? This one didn’t insult me at all. (However, I stand in solidarity with the Sea Monkeys.)


Welp, I guess I’m off to Ibiza to flash people. Phrasing?


What’s wrong with sea monkeys? Looks like they’re havin’ a good ol’ time.


There is a misogynistic joke here somewhere …


I guess you get to buy this separately (every couple of months)


There is the Nazi problem with the guy who started selling them


Zounds! I guess that’s why all the sea monkeys in the ad look like WASPs.


I hope my sea monkeys in the 70’s were part of the underground resistance. Still sucks my allowance went to that ass hat and his ilk.


I dunno, the bit where you can use this to sexually harass a cute coworker, that was plenty misogynist.


My xenophelia started with a boyhood crush on “sister Sea Monkey.”


Too much info!


When you are finished enjoying your Red Tide ball, just take it to the nearest ocean and shatter it against something hard (like a sea turtle). Not only will your Red Tide buddies get the chance to bring joy to thousands of other people, in no time at all the dangerous shards will turn into delightful beach glass!

Edit: dammit, the “do not taunt” line sounded familiar, but I completely missed the Happy Fun Ball reference the first time through!


Dinoflagellates are lit.

Yeah, those Greeks knew how to party.


EcoSpheres, which consist of self-contained, sealed ecosystems of shrimp, algae and bacteria, can last longer than 15 years. Sounds pretty long-term to me.

Side note: The giant Ecosphere at the American Museum of Natural History in NYC was mistakenly covered by a tarp for a long period during renovations, cutting off light and leading to an apparent die-off of everything inside. The museum officials thought at first that it was a lost cause, but eventually some surviving shrimp eggs hatched and it recovered. (I learned this on a visit.)