Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/01/30/watch-tourist-in-australia-pi.html
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Don’t ever touch anything in Australia. Spiders. Octopuses. And the people, especially them.
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I always appreciate people like this who serve as a reminder to the rest of us that real life is not a petting zoo.
The lion is not a pet. The elephant doesn’t want to be touched. The rhino doesn’t care about your instagram. The bear doesn’t need to be fed.
Keep your distance, take plenty of pictures, and both you and the animal will survive to see the next sunrise.
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I was snorkeling recently and happened on a pretty jelly fish. I watched from a safe distance not knowing if it was dangerous or not. Then I realized it was not alone and I was surrounded. I made a very cautious retreat successfully. Respect the nature, people.
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I feel that Aussies should be given government issued shirts as PSAs that say: “Everything on this continent can kill you, mate.”
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Your morning coffee can kill you in Australia. Think I’ll visit New Zealand instead. They have hobbits.
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Or hand them out as you go through customs…
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“Bad Squishy!”
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Octopi do not “sting”; they envenomate via a bite. Doesn’t really matter while you are writhing in horrible agony until you die but…
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Internal dialog:
Oooooo pretty, a jelly fish.
Oh look you have a little friend.
Oh another one. Cute.
What’s that by my leg?
[bubbles]
Calm breathing. Calm breathing.
Do not not spin fast and swipe a bunch of them.
Ok. This was fun. Going to swim to the beach now.
Oh look the bar is open.
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They paralyse you. Doesn’t really matter, but there’s no “writhing” as you wait to die …
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Yeah, but could they at least have turned their phone sideways?
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Just to clarify, you don’t mean selfies with tie animal, right?
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Damn nature, you scary!
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Those things are more dangerous than they look. I saw a documentary about this one hobbit who fought a giant spider and then single-handedly murdered like 7 orcs in the tower of Cirith Ungol.
You get a few of those guys in a pack and they can skeletonize a man in minutes.
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And they steal your jewelry and melt it down when you’re not looking.
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But think of all the lonely huntsman spiders:
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a few millimetres-long horny barb
that’s what she said! amirite???
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Not to worry - I have pints!
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What could possibly go wrong touching some creature you have no idea about…
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