Thank you for your follow up response, and some background about the path you’ve traveled. And yes, the ex-gay folks are fucked as fucked can be.
Some of my background: In addition to being a parent of two queer children, I’ve spent at least two-thirds of my 51 years denying my sexual orientation because I wanted to fit in with the people around me. Be “normal.” So, I would agree that accepting my sexual orientation was a “choice” – as was trying to deny it – but neither choice changed my sexual orientation.
So from my life perspective, the only choice is acceptance or rejection. Beyond that, you’re going to like what you like. And if you’re unhappy about what you like, you might lash out at the people who are happy with what they like.
I agree, but I also don’t feel that eliminates the possibility that a person’s sexual identity might be genetic; or at least the spectrum they can fall within. And I acknowledge that the environment a person is raised in can have a narrowing effect on that spectrum. And depending on the environment, that could lead to internalized homophobia that surfaces in ugly ways, up to and including rising through the ranks of the religious-right leadership.
I believe the increase in queer identified individuals that we are seeing is because, for what may end up being a brief moment in time, it’s (somewhat) safe to actually be who you are in some countries. The only way to find out if there has truly been an upswing would be if we could go back through the years/centuries and find out how many people were hiding who they were when it wasn’t safe/safer. Back when, to fit in, they would have lived a straight life, possibly had kids, and been miserable.
Also, adding to the situation is the creation of the internet, where people who used to be isolated have been able to connect with people like themselves; for good and for bad (looking at you, alt-right and incels).
Did it make someone a little gay, or were they already a little gay and it drew it out? I’m pretty sure it was the latter, but the only person that has a chance of knowing is the person it “happened” to, and not someone with a theory and an agenda in a country where being gay is a crime.
And I apologize for implying you were aligned with the ex-gay “homosexuality is a choice” assholes. I’m often a jerk (and worse), so I won’t hold it against you.