Superintendent Helsel is an idiot. The stones don’t work unless you also have sticks. Every 2nd grader knows that!
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- Rocks are an effective deterrent for guns.
- Good guys with rocks can stop a bad guy with a gun.
- The vast majority of gun owners are good guys - good guys outnumber bad guys.
- We really don’t need guns at all.
“If we outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns, but the rest of us will have rocks, so it’s cool.”
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Came here for this, am not disappoint.
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I’m so conflicted.
First, it is marginally better then the nothing it replaces…while at the same time being stunningly inferior to sane gun control laws.
Second, even with sane gun control I’m unconvinced the rate of shootings will drop to zero, and the rocks would retain a minimal value.
Third, it has that sort of Kingdom Death Monster vibe (four people armed with only a rock each kill a white lion and start a society…in a world actually more relentlessly brutal then Trump’s America), and I do love me some KD:M.
Fourth, I’m sure this utterly inadequate solution is actually intended to be “as opposed to anything resembling reforming gun control”…
…so yeah. Conflict.
Let’s do something about gun control, and make cosplaying KD:M optional?
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This is your periodic reminder that the Florida school shooter wasn’t just a kid with a gun, he was a Nazi with a gun.
The guns are not the only problem.
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“If an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance into any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full students armed with rocks and they will be stoned.”
as the superintendent had to have been to come up with this
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Challenge accepted?
Clearly he who is without sin will cast the first stapler, so… nobody.
Why rocks? That’s so Stone Age. I heard there was a guy in China who recently invented some kind of machine who could hurl small pebble sized metal droplets really fast. We should use this to arm our children.
Trump appoints new “super-hawk” security advisor.
Children to be trained to use stones as weapons.
Hmm…
“Department of Education is teaching our children the skills they need to survive the future!”
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And even here, we often skirt that when it comes to guns. I think that’s because guns themselves have become such a potent symbol of the white masculinity and the divisions which are so much harder to talk about.
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As always, the free market provides a solution.
The more prestigious charter schools could offer incentives — maybe free cafeteria lunches, a straight cash payment or reduced tuition — to any students who volunteer for training in rock-throwing and human-wave attacks to distract a gunman and allow their classmates to escape. Possibly some form of post-hypnotic suggestion could be employed to ensure that the volunteers discharge their duties when called upon.
Since the great majority of these front-rank students (as I propose we call them) would never actually experience a school shooting, the odds would be ever in their favor. I’m sure many students otherwise unable to afford a top-notch education would see this as a great opportunity.
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That sounds like a modest proposal.
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Are they still teaching Lord of the Flies, and/or irony?
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My modesty is praised across the internet.
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So kids get taught how to deal with bullies by throwing rocks. But luckily they won’t have access to rocks unless the closets are unlocked. Oh wait.
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There is an account from the 30s of a semipro baseball pitcher who was walking the railroad tracks when a bear charged him. Picking up and throwing ballast rocks from the road bed, he was able to kill the bear in short order. While I fully realize that a classroom full of kids is statistically unlikely to include a semipro pitcher, it is likely to include a few girls (and maybe some boys) with good throwing arms who can inflict serious injury on a would-be shooter.
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