Scotland's official plan if the Loch Ness Monster is found


Originally published at:


"So, partly serious and partly for a bit of fun,

Roger That!


They will call bigfoot in to verify the findings.


Not how these things work. Nessie will be captured and sent on an exploitative world tour of village and city, from whence there will be an escape and a mauling of great numbers of people before the monster’s own bloody death at the combined hands of scientists and the armed forces.


So, the stereotypical “Misunderstood Monster” ending?
We don’t deserve any better…


It’s always good to have a plan.


Also part of the plan- make sure any press releases regarding this issue come out at the start of the tourist season.

Edit- And it’s still a more comprehensive plan and realistic plan than Brexit.


The world’s largest haggis?


Reporter: What kind of show you got for us, Mr. Burns?

Mr. Burns: Well, the monster’s going to stand around for 3 hours or so. Then we’ll close with the ethnic comedy of Duggan and Dirschwitz.

Reporter: Sensational!


I’m pretty sure that’s what mother nature has in store for us.


You left out the doomed interspecies romance angle. The monster clearly needs a shapely blonde woman to fall in love with.


… then Scotland will end up with a Gorgo situation; Nessie will turn out to be the baby of a much, much larger Nessie-creature who’ll come after her little Nessie.


You must mean the female scientist that will eventually need to be saved by the guy she has been bantering with the entire movie. The rule breaker bad boy that never does as he should but this one time it works out and they kiss when death seems imminent. Aw.


What if Nessie is female? …


Not the most impressive sporran I’ve ever seen, but what does Nessie know, anyway.


When did Oz get so cut?


Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean Godzilla is filling out an immigration form for Scotland…


Oh. KIT, not KILT. Got it.


Och, laddie, it’s nae the sporran wha’ counts, but wha’s beneath it!