I would prefer this Mozart work:
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(a mug of hot water)
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Use on sleds at your own risk
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Hot lube? Sounds naughty… nudge, nudge, wink, wink…
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True. Wolfgang was a bit of a naughty boy.
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Yes, or discreet automatic wall dispensers that can be activated simply by yelling “DISPENSE SEX LUBE NOW” in an authoritative voice
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Stick that puppy on the side of your automatic lube machine and you are in business!
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Back in the 80s we used to have Larry “Bud” Melman walking around NYC offering hot towels. That’s a level of service and interaction you don’t get from a simple appliance! Nowadays whenever I am wiping myself, having sex, or changing babbies - I wistfully think back to our times with Bud.
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If you can live without the heater part, modding one of these into something refillable should be trivial.
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“Honey? What’s with the pallet from amazon in the driveway?”
“Oh…ummm…I kept hitting the wrong button on the thing last weekened.”
“Last weekend? It’s Thursday. We have Prime. What were you doing Tuesday when I had to go into the city?”
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Strangely, it turns out that the “Trojan” button his wife was repeatedly pressing was to order armed soldiers from the city of Troy. Sadly, none of them actually look like Brad Pitt.
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Well duh. Only the GREEK soldiers look like Brad Pitt.
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Band name.
Probably for an alternative classical quartet…
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That’s awesome! 
ETA: And purely for the “words I never thought I’d see together”, this extract from the review:
Over time, I began to suspect my lube dispenser was racist.
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Obvious the left is Menthol and the right Cinnamon, but what is the Yellow? Plain? Seems like Plain would be clear.
Banana? Banana flavored Lube? would you look at that…
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