Sperm extraction machine yours for $13,000

Not to slut-shame a professional medical device but I imagine the idea of using the same robotic orifice as countless other men might be off-putting too.

At least most guys have a roundabout idea of how many dicks have been in their hand.

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This has never happened to me before!

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Yes, I did mean “here”. Sperm is fragile. Delays in transporting a sample can result in drastically reduced viability.

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You can buy essentially the same thing in Akihabara for what I assume is way less money than that.

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Oh, of course. I’m distracted now and didn’t properly parse the pronoun.

Oh really?

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asking for a friend?

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Roppongi more likely.

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I have seen them in display cases. Do you want me to look for a Japanese shopping link?

There’s probably an optional attachment that shoves a cattle prod up your butt if you’re taking too long.

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That other people have also used.

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Does it get Wi-Fi?

Uh, obligatory “asking for a friend” disclaimer inserted here.

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I’m surprised no sex toy manufacturer hasn’t made a consumer-grade version of this by now.

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How can this possibly be sanitary? I mean I’m not saying dudes looking to get off always care about sanitary but even with a full deep (heh) cleaning everytime I really don’t think I’m sticking my junk in there.

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Finally, a real fuck machine…

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“Wooden”… heh heheh.

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Isn’t it supposed to look like that?

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… but I go 100% organic, so…

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27 years later…

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