Stephen Fry standup at Mumbai queer open-mic night


For those who’d like to swear along with Stephen, here’s a transcription of the dirty bits (and apologies in advance and a quick farewell if all this blue talk gets this post flagged unnecessarily):

Lund Chus Suck dick
Mera chunni choos Suck my clit
Meri lundh choos Suck my dick
Mere Chuus Maro Suck my dick
Raand ka pati Husband of a whore
Jaa Apni Bajaa Go fuck yourself
Gaand main lassan Garlic in ass
Chinaal ke gadde ke nipple ke baal ke joon Prostitute’s breast’s nipple’s hair’s lice
Apni ma ko ja choos Go suck your mom
Apni gaand mein muthi daal Put your fist up your ass
Teri ma gandi rundi Your mother is a filthy whore
Teri ma chadha ka lund choos Your mother sucks donkey dick
Teri maa ki chut tere baap ka land Your mother’s penis in your father’s vagina
Teri mi di kussi mey tera sarra khandan ko ggussa ker rakhdoungi I’m going to put your whole family in your mom’s ass
Teri maa ki gaand ki baal mein jalaay hue, maarey hue chupkili ki unday There are burnt, dead lizard eggs in the hair around your mother’s ass
Tor mai ke chodho Get back in your mother’s womb
Tere maa ko sau kutte chode – sau wa tera baap Your mom got fucked by 100 dogs – the 100th one being your dad
Terey baad di gaand wich dhanda gussa ker rakdhungi I am going to put a pill in your damn ass
Rundi ki tatti pe baithne waali makkhi The fly that sits on the ass of a whore


Mumbai queer open-mic night

Never even considered seeing those words sequenced in a sentence.

But anyway, screw “Mumbai”, okay? It’s Bombay Gin, not Mumbai Gin.
Just like it ain’t Beijing Duck, nor Beijingese breed of dogs.

And anyway, no Bavarian is such a touchy bastard that he/she takes umbrage if we don’t call it München.
Or is that the next dastardly plot of the overly politically correct international cabal?

And yet you felt touchy enough take umbrage if we don’t call Mumbai by the name you prefer to call it?

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