No, I don’t speak for all women. Happy? But god forbid I point out that women are all actual human beings, not warm holes for dicks. What a shitty human being I am. Clearly, I’m the real problem, and not rape culture. I mean, if women would only understand it’s a fucking compliment when we get catcalled on the street, then the world would be a much better place.
And if you think that being harassed on the street isn’t dehumanizing, I don’t know what to tell you.
I’ve just removed a discussion about incredulity at women not wanting to be complimented, debated, of course, almost entirely by posters identifying as male. We are lucky to have a strong female contingent here on the BBS, and they’ve made this point multiple times (and for me personally, my own partner has explained this fact to me). The fact is, many women do not like being called out randomly by strangers. This topic is not a place to debate this fact.
If you look up further in the thread, there is a poll. So far the women who have taken it, agree this is creepy.
We can’t poll all women but the women on this board are all (so far) creeped out by the game.
Um… She didn’t.
As sad and shitty as it is, the reality is that the vast majority of most women will be harassed at some point in their lives. If they are “lucky,” it will only be verbal in nature.
Inherent in that reality is that the attention of unknown individuals may not only be unsolicited, but it may also be uncomfortable to deal with; more often than not when women share their stories, discomfort is one of the most common emotions expressed, along with fear.
By merely acknowledging that, Mindysan is not “deigning to speak for all women who ever existed or ever will;” she’s addressing a widespread, detrimental element of the reality that most of us live in.
If you somehow have been spared the uneasy experiences that most women across all walks of life have endured at some point, then count your blessings.
Let’s take as a given that not everyone is the same and not everyone feels the same way, but that enough folks have expressed discomfort at the prospect of being called out to by strangers on the basis of appearance, regardless of how the comment was intended, to suggest one should think twice before doing so.
There’s no need to descend into the pedantry of #notallX.
A phrase that not only needlessly states the obvious (there are no absolutes when it comes to people) but also does not serve to advance the conversation; instead usually creating the exact opposite effect.
you say exploring, i say rationalizing and justifying.
nuance sure is dead, huh pal?
its a safe assumption, in context.
the context is not the street, or the whole internet, but there are times and places, find the boundaries of them. most of us have.
one’s right to speech is not a right to an audience. consent matters.
Boundaries!
when i want a cheeseburger, i do not go around taste testing everything until i get my cheeseburger. if i had to taste my way to it i would probably have to admit i am either blind, an entitled asshole, or a blind entitled asshole.
iam not blimd, so when i want a 
i go intentionally to the cheeseburger store. i do not play games with tacos and bagels trying to convinve them my attribution error is a flaw in their recipe
I’m sorry, that was not a place I would have liked this discussion to lead.
And how. While I was never into PUA, I have been a sad, confused dude and never a women being hit on or bothered excessively, or assaulted or worse.
It’s much easier for me to comprehend and consider what it takes to salvage people who may have been in a similar situation to me, and less easy to consider what it’s like to be not me and the subject of this negative attention. I don’t know why mostly older boys and young men end up in the state of desperation and bitterness that leads to PUA and misogynist attitudes, but it’s important to me (and I think society) to understand how to get from here to somewhere better.
Just shouting “you’re a horrible person” isn’t a solution to their problem, and while there isn’t much sympathy for “their problems” around here, the solution to their problem is a mutually beneficial one.
How about “the overwhelming majority of women don’t want to be treated that way and taking advice from PUAs is a terrible idea because it contributes to the objectification of your fellow human beings.”
But once again, that’s not what happening. It’s the behavior that is objectionable. If we can’t call out specific behaviors, we can’t even talk about the problem.
then its a good thing it was that straw man and not me saying they are just horrible people. isnt it?
6 posts were split to a new topic: Are there situations in which “PUA” advice could actually be helpful?
Tangentially related to Mr. La Ruina’s game, there’s an upcoming dating sim that may make me try out the genre:
Holy shit, that looks amazing. And OMG, Mara Wilson!
From the trailer, it’s certainly not as horrific as I feared. He does point out that the creepiest (and rather blatantly stupid) sexual harassment not only doesn’t work, but is illegal. I suppose there are people out there who do need that reminder.
But the “100% guaranteed to get you laid” stuff is bogus, as well as a really awful approach to relationships.
It comes down to goals.
Ultimately, PUAs are out to browbeat as many women as they can into a regretful one night stand - by any means possible.
Regular chaps are advised to take up hobbies like writing, music, painting - something that shows a vulnerable, but nurturing side. Pay attention and help people through tough situations. It not only pays dividends, but you feel like a champ too.
In reality, few people are having ALL the sex. Those who do are couples with intense chemistry that you can’t just magick with mind games. What is the secret to successfully finding a partner? An openness to trying new experiences, and a willingness to look foolish.
Aim to find someone with different hobbies but shared values. Now that’s something no “dating sim” will teach ya.
More like prevent it, by telling clueless dudes why not to be grabby twits. The “why” is a crap reason, but if the prevention would not be.
ETA less than a day left before the topic auto closes. whee.
