I clicked one of those 'sexy' browser game ads so you don't have to

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I don’t know about you, but I’m off to take a very cold shower.

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I realize that sex-based sales pitches are supposed to be manipulative and misleading(except maybe in areas with substantial non-clandestine sex industries); but that has to be the most grimly banal cow-clicker nonsense to have ever been oversold with one of the uncanny valley’s exploited models.

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It’s ‘good’ to see that absolutely nothing has changed since Evony.

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Well, I went ahead and picked Gorm, because when I play games about maps I like to thirstily extend my realm and it looks like this guy in the picture is all about that.

To do otherwise would be GORMLESS.

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Just think of all the hot sex that’s probably happening in those villages and fortresses. This is even more risqué than those “Monopoly” hotels where players pay for their stay by the hour.

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Leigh, hopefully you did this in a VM. I can’t think of any point in all that pointless game switching other than to recruit your box into a botnet

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Skip the crappy clones that use exploitative ads.

Go play Travian.

Accept no substitutes.

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Thank you. An Irish co-worker introduced me to that word and it’s the first thing that came to mind when I saw one of the realms is called GORM.

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Pretty sure the word “enermy” would’ve sent me packing.

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Beat me to it. At the end of practically every paragraph I was cringing, waiting for Leigh to say that the machine needed to run an admin disk cleaner program and would you please enter an administrative username and password…

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Hahahaah the “Sexy woman” image they’re using is just Tifa from advent children: http://i2.bebo.com/041/9/large/2008/03/14/05/1256533098a7145816684l.jpg found on the internet by using google search to look for tifa.

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Well, now we know. Now turn adblock back on, you’ll catch a virus.

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Also, someone’s a Game of Thrones fan: http://i1.wp.com/boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/whatlol7.jpg

Cersei, Jaime, maybe Melisandre, and Jawwwun Snooouooowe. Tyrion gets left out, as usual.

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Would be a shame if someone reported them to Sony for copyright infringement.

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Technically it would be Square Enix I believe… All the final fantasy stuff is under their wing. I think i’ve seen these ads before and the fact that they were using Tifa’s face was definitely a turn off for me… something felt wrong… How right it appears my intuitions were.

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They really didn’t even try to make any sense at all, did they? It’s like taking random pages from other games and gluing them together into a kind of franken-game.

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“Dada of Thrones”

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Always makes me sad that these horrible grindy city builders games have such beautiful polished artwork. Like, as a kid playing Sim City I’d have just about lost my shit to see those screenshots. To think they’re tied up in exploitative monetisation mechanics is such a damned shame.

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I don’t know what I did to get this, I use adblock now. It made me wonder who would be turned on by the picture, but want to play a ‘sexy’ mmo with only male gamers. Also chuckled at the singular use of friend - I’m a jerk.

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