Super, super, super-size me: a 2142 calorie meal

Originally published at:



The burger all other burgers report to. Smoked brisket, tender rib meat, jalapeno-cheddar smoked sausage, bacon & cheddar with lettuce, tomato, House BBQ & house-made ranch. We. Dare. You.

It amuses me that, on the website, they don’t include the calorie count, but they do remind you…

2,000 calories a day is used for general nutrition advice, but calorie needs vary. Additional nutrition information available upon request.

We ate at Chili’s sometime last week, and as I recall a number of items on the physical menu were close to, if not over, 2,000 calories.



That does not look much bigger than a normal instant yakisoba container. Dense stuff, yakisoba.


When I was a kid, (late 50’s-early 60’s) I dreamed of just taking pills instead of eating because meals just ate into my playtime. Pills would have solved that problem nicely.


Now you’ve told us about this you’re morally obligated to go back, buy one and eat it, reporting your findings.

I predict constipation.


Not impressed. I can save the plane fare and get that many calories out of Kroger ice cream. Problem: solved.


2142kcal? That’s a starter for a munchie box.


There are pills you can take that will give you more energy on the playground, and that you’ll never feel the need to eat, but I wouldn’t recommend any of them.


The maritime world needs to stock lifeboats with those. Energy dense foods are critical when people are stranded at sea.


Does that happen a lot these days?

There is a lot of boats on the ocean at any given time. Can’t imagine you could go more than a couple days without running across rescue:


I ordered the lunch special at a Pizza Uno: Salad plus an individual classic pizza. The calorie count for the pizza alone was 2240. (Note that here it’s per slice, with four slices.) I didn’t the eat crusts.


I’m surprised this is from Japan and not from the US marketed as “for children up to 5”.


I thought this would be like an MRE with different meals for the day, so you don’t have to figure out what to eat. It’s literally just one large pack of noodles? Eeeeh. I think the MRE like thing with breakfast/lunch/dinner would be pretty neat.


It does or can happen. Just how its totally possible for someone’s car to break down and literally not see a car for hours or even days depending on where you are. The distances on the ocean are much bigger, and if Comms are down chances are if you’re not on a major shipping lane or area that’s heavily trafficked by boats you’re SOL.


Well, actually…

As someone who’s recently started paying attention to calories and diet in general (read as, doctor said lower your cholesterol and change your habits or die of a massive stroke or heart attack), I can see some very efficient, practical reasoning here:

  • one quarter package for breakfast = ~ 500 calories
  • one half package for lunch = ~ 1000 calories
  • remaining one quarter package for dinner = ~500 calories

Especially for times of the year when I’m really, really busy, and meal planning devolves to “grabbing anything fast on my way to or from work”, this could be a good, no-thought-needed option.

Is it any good, I wonder?


A lot? I dunno, depends what you’d class as a lot. It happens.

Here’s a small sample.

There are plenty more if you google. Plenty where people set off and just never turned up too.

The ocean’s big. Boats are small.

Shipping lanes are narrow. Get off those and there’s a good chance you’ll never come across a ship or plane that’s in a position to see you.

Even if you are somewhere you could be seen, modern commercial shipping is not exactly designed to make spotting a small boat easy.


say what you will about Soylent, it would be really fucking hard to drink that many calories in a sitting without throwing up. (yes, that’s an endorsement. I love the stuff…)


Do you actually use Soylent? I’ve been curious and wanting to try it out but i’ve heard a wide range of equally positive and negative stuff about it but haven’t gotten an opinion from someone that’s actually tried it.


Wow. Going through that menu is scary. The Chicago fire has just about 4g of salt and 160g of fat for a portion meant for a single person. That is crazy.

1 Like