Texan discovers he was sharing his bed with a creepy, crawly, "creature from hell"

No, this is a use case where you don’t spray but use the can to clobber the fucker instead.

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Definitely a sphincter-tightening moment there. Here’s another one (and where a sphincter was very nearly involved most intimately). I believe I’ve told this one before; I’ll drop it off here for posterior posterity.
When: circa 1990
Place: Men’s Room semi-detached from Santa Susana Field Laboratory Equipment Lab.
Person: A lab technician, in a stall and reading a newspaper.
Event: Unobservant, the tech puts his newspaper away, wipes himself, then, while pulling up his underwear, notices the tarantula parked therein. Witnesses walking outside by the men’s room hear him let out a bloody yell and see him run out of the men’s room and with his pants partially pulled up.

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