Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/08/27/texas-buzzsaw-botox-burglar-w.html
“Undisclosed amount of products” stolen from the clinic by
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That’s a new wrinkle on your usual heists.
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What’s the point? You can make your own free Botox at home with just a few dented cans.
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There has to be one helluva story behind this caper.
Can’t wait for the Guy Ritchie film.
(couldn’t find a gif that fit)
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The woman was white, 35-45 years…
She is actually 75, but manages to maintain a youthful appearance thanks to her clever heists and sound cosmetology training.
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“Yeah, I’ve got a hookup for botox, she’s really cheap too. I met her at yoga class, she works out of her house. I don’t know her real name, but she goes by Lulu. Lulu Lemon. Yeah.”
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She’ll be caught. That camera footage is so high-resolution, they got crystal clear images of her face and her car. Someone will recognize her very quickly I predict.
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Sooooo many cameras these days. And her disguise? Yoga mom. At least wear a hoody. Drape a damn blanker over your shoulders (or license plate). Affect a limp and an outrageous accent (that always works). Combine with a lisp and unique signature move (like… The Will Riker seating maneuver). Cover yourself in coyote urine to throw off the dogs. Basics.
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BDD is a hell of a drug.
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She is still bitter and twisted after losing out on that WWII “Gertie the Grinder” poster gig.
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She also doesn’t appear to be wearing gloves. So if the photos of her face (and car, and possibly license plate) lead the police to her door, her fingerprints will convict her.
That’s just good advice in general.
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No, she is counting on looking so good after she self-injects her face with Botox that no one will recognize her anymore.
Pro tip: she really ought to wear safety glasses when using that grinder.
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I should really get around to buying an angle grinder. They seem super useful.
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Here’s another view of this: she’s a mastermind. Yep. That’s right.
Dress up as a yoga mom and steal botox? There’s only one conclusion everyone will draw from that: she’s really hooked on the stuff and is planning to use it, no matter what the cost. But…what’s the real truth? Is she secretly planning to rid the world of it’s most potent toxin for vanity use? Yeah, now you’re beginning to see her genius. She’s, like, the Banksy of cosmetics.
It seems reasonable as far as robbery targets go. If you have a place to move the stolen goods the price is comparable per ounce to narcotics, with a lot less tracking. A regular door, a camera, and medication cabinet is all they were likely to face as far as security,
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They pay for themselves! Well, in Botox, tho.
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This lady is awesome
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Wow, battery powered saws have gotten hella good?
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True.
Looked more like a 4.5" circular saw than it did a grinder.
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Joke’s on all the haters, she’s actually 58.
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