The best hot sauce recipe


#1

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#2

I’m afraid it might contain onions and/or cilantro, both of which are loathsome by any objective standard.

Ok, cilantro I can understand. While it’s decent, it’s been widely documented that some genetic mutants find it distasteful.

I cannot abide, however, such slander against any member of the allium genus.


#3

“…Loathsome by any objective standard…”

I don’t think that word means what you think it means. This is your opinion, it’s subjective. Taste is subjective to begin with. Plus if your hot sauce has cilantro I’d call it picante. My mom makes an amazing picante that has onions and cilantro and it’s cut with milk, which when it ages the flavor of the picante improves. It’s the best thing I like to top my meals with, you can keep your hot sauce.


#4

Sorry, Mark, this is at best a subjective standard. But that’s OK, more of our stupidly hot (last batch was mostly habanero, scotch bonnet and ghost), but super tasty hot sauce for us.

@mrmcd: This is the home for Happy Mutants, no?


#5

The important stuff has been said. Not yet mentioned, why do they call it “hot” sauce? And why call it the “best” if it merely sounds perfect? IMHO the best hot sauce is going to bring some heat…
That said, it does look like a fun recipe to tinker with.


#6

No, no, no… as I often remind my family, it is a genetic mutation that make people find this devil’s stinkweed delicious…


#7

I have a set of spectacles made of seer stones that I used while scrying golden plates handed to me by J.R. “Bob” Dobbs on X-Day, and the words upon the plates read, “Do not make yourselves loathsome or unclean with cilantro or onions. This is fact, not an opinion.”


#8

I’m going to launch a Kickstarter to create a virulently invasive strain of cilantro that tastes as bad to everyone else as it tastes to cilantro haters.


#9

You, sir, live a sad, sad, life. You have my most profound sympathies.


#10

I’ve found that if you add fish sauce to cilantro it hides or eliminates the nasty. So it just tastes like lame parsley. Maybe that’s a place to start your research.


#11

I usually avoid hot sauce because I’m afraid it might contain
onions and/or cilantro, both of which are loathsome by any objective
standard.

This is so misguided, it’s not even wrong.

And it’s called “coriander”.


#12

Have you forgotten the words of the LORD? “Garlic, Onion, Ginger, Chili. Add these to your oils, and heat with fire. Mix with your cooking to make the foods of your tribe blessed. These are basic elements from which the breath of the divine is imparted into your mouth and nourishes your body. Those who eat without them consume only base gruel for survival, in the manner of beasts.”

That you would outright deny one of The Holy Quadinity speaks only to spiritual defect, your “tablets” nothing but the lies of cynical huckster.


#13

That’s just…yeah no. I have a buddy who loves to grow stupidly hot peppers, and he’s fond of telling the one where he was trimming the plants one afternoon, forgot to wash his hands, and then went to the WC where he was unpleasantly surprised by how much of the pepper’s hotness was left on his hands.


#14

Is it a taste you’d care to describe? I find cilantro to be delightful–I could eat the stuff all day long.

Edit: Now parsley, that’s something we could talk about being nasty.


#15

I haven’t found many of what I consider “hot sauces” to contain either cilantro or onion. Garlic maybe. Still I will have to keep a pretty open mind to accept hot sauce advise from someone who would apparently turn up their nose at classic street tacos.

(cilantro, onion, then hot sauce)


#16

I had a similar incident after de-seeding some habs to save for planting, disregarding the warning label on the nursery label to use gloves when handling. “Pfftt! That’s just something their lawyers made them put on. I just won’t touch my eyes!”

Turns out after long enough it will soak into the pores and microcuts of your skin and impossible to wash off, in addition to getting anywhere else you might touch. What followed was about 8 hours of the most unpleasant pain…


#17

As a prior military person who watched the non-listeners come out of the chemical warfare training building (which was filled to the choking brim with tear gas), rip off their gas masks and immediately rub their eyes (which then caused all the symptoms tear gas is famous for), I was already trained in handling such things. That same buddy even offered to send me some pepper seed, but as he only seems to have the cray-cray hot varieties, I’ll stick with the lowly jalapeno, poblano, and sweet varieties.
Here’s the thing–isn’t it possible for those really hot peppers to affect the internal organs negatively? Although if the acid in our stomachs doesn’t burn through then the peppers are probably not going to do much of anything.


#18

I pity anyone who finds cilantro and/or onions loathsome. They’re damn tasty.


#19

#20

nom nom.