Believe it. There seems to be a common misconception floating around that men are more polite to other men. In my experience the opposite is true. That’s not to say systemic sexism doesn’t exist or that men in power are less likely to give opportunities to qualified women, but when it comes day-to-day interactions like this, the idea that it’s something unique to women is just not true.
Further, the amount of attention being-told-to-smile gets is way out of proportion to what it deserves which is why I called it a meme.
Maybe I’m just more stoney faced than you.
It’s not just a matter of being polite. It’s about how many men feel like it’s their right—or even their duty—to advise women they’ve never even met how to be more physically attractive.
No. Men treat other men with respect (unless they are outside of or trying to establish and demonstrate hierarchy).
That means they don’t touch, stare at, or speak to other men in the ways that they do to women, unless they are looking for confrontation. It has nothing to do with niceness, and everything to do with social power.
For example, why do you believe that you are in a better position to judge how much attention should be given to this issue than the women who are experiencing it?
That, I’ll grant you, is on a different level. But there the thing that’s really over the line is the “advise women… how to be more physically attractive” part of it. The “you should smile more” is just the appetizer.
Do you know this as a fact? On a daily basis are you cat called or harassed? Otherwise what it sounds like is that you’re projecting your own lived experience onto a group that is inherently living a different experience than you. Men do experience these moments as well, i’ve been sexually accosted in public but those moments are so sparse that they hardly a blip on my overall lived experience. Women on the other hand deal with this more often and telling them what they endure is not that big of a deal belittles what they go through.
You call this a meme, but you don’t realize that for women this is life.
That is at the very core of the entire issue.
When a man says “you should smile more” or “you’re prettier when you smile” he isn’t considering the emotional or physical well-being of the woman he’s addressing. He’s expressing that HE would prefer to see her smile.
Yes, it’s like calling racial discrimination in police departments a “meme” because sometimes cops shoot white people without justification too.
“A problem shared is a problem halved” does NOT apply.
“Believe…” what?
Your personal opinion?
Also, you must have missed the memo:
I just took a little poll around my work space here. 2 out of 3 women say they’ve never been told to smile. The 3rd said maybe a couple times, as in her entire life. Of the guys I asked 4 out of 5 said no one has ever told them to smile (not including myself). So while this all anecdotal I’m going to stick with my previous assumption that the whole “smile more” thing is a meme that has been blown out of proportion by the internet.
In a related note, while I was conducting this little poll I saw one guy call another guy a “faggot” and another say that another was “fucking retarded”.
Speaking of memes, that Dungeonmaster line “I reject your reality and substitute my own” is funnier when Adam Savage says it instead of some dude dismissing the lived experiences of women everywhere.
On behalf of all women everywhere, and I know they won’t mind me speaking for them, I’d like to thank you for your in-depth scientific input in making the world a happier, safer place for us all.
You’ve certainly put a smile on my face.
Heck, let’s take a BBS poll right now!
Please indicate which option best describes how often you are asked to smile by strangers.
MALE RESPONDENTS:
- Never to my recollection
- Rarely/only in appropriate context (i.e. posing for photos)
- Frequently
FEMALE RESPONDENTS:
- Never to my recollection
- Rarely/only in appropriate context (i.e. posing for photos)
- Frequently
I for one approve of resting bitch face.
Obligs:
How about you just tell other dudes to smile from now on, since y’all men seem to like it so much.
