The LURD, a Long-range Urine Release Device

I finally found instructions for the LURD, minus the illustrations. I can probably reproduce those, if anyone needs.

From “Up Yours” by George Hayduke:

"Charles Platt is a very clever fellow whose name will live in the annals of science much like that of Thomas Crapper, the inventer of the toilet. CharlePlatt is the father of the Long-range Urine Release Device (LURD). Less cosmopolitan souls than Charles and I would call it a “piss box.” But really…

Charles designed his LURD to meet the following needs:

  1. A nonviolent, nonhazardous way to saturate the victim with stale urine, in such a way that…
  2. No personal involvement or appearance of the “gift giver” is required; and…
  3. The device can be safely sent by mail, turned upside-down, et-cetera, without risk of premature urine release.

Here’s how it works. First, cut out of stiff cardboard the shapes shown in the illustration. Fold up the sides of the base. Glue the lid together (spead glue on the shaded tab areas). Mount the four razor guards (explanation below) on the base in the positions shown. Get a strong plastic bag (preferably a garbage bag cut down to size) and fill with urine. If available, feel free to add some vomit. Tie the neck of the bag securely!

You will now need an old coat hanger, some strong pliers, epoxy glue, and four single-edged razor blades. The blades should be the kind with a metal cap bent over one edge, so they can safely be held. Snip off a few lengths of the coat hanger and use them to brace the razor blades in the corner of the box lid in the positions shown - sharp edges facing down into the lid. The idea is that the blades will slit the bag of urine when the box is opened. Push the bits if coat hanger through the cardboard sides of the lid, cut them off flush, and glue them (apply the glue from the inside only).

Next put the bag of urine into the lid. During this sensitive operation, you must protect the bag from contact with the blades. Do this by slipping little pieces of strong paper in-between. Leave enogh of the pieces of paper sticking out so that you can subsequently extract them.

Now slide the sides of the base down into the lid, so they slide between the bag of urine and the sides of the lid. Make sure the razor guards end up between the urine bag and the blades.

When the box has been put together, pull out the pieces of strong paper which provided temporary protection between the blades and the bag. This arms the lurd. It cannot now safely be disassembled.

All you need to do now is gift-wrap and mail. Note that the slicing action of the blades is most effective when the box is opened with the lid section facing up and the base at the bottom. To give the victim psychological encouragement to open the box this way, two-half-circles are cut out of the edges of the lid (as shown), providing a convenient way for the victim to holdthe box as it is being opened, in the “correct” position.

As soon as the lid slides up, the blades move up beyond the razor guards and cut into the bag. Gaps between the sides of the base provide ample room for the urine to run out. "


On a completely unrelated note, the Oregon seditionists are accepting care packages addressed to: Jon Ritzheimer or Blaine Cooper, General Mail, Burns OR 97720.


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