The mysteries of dog sex


#1

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#2

Let’s be honest, human sex is no less mysterious.


#3

Oh dear. And all that makes lovely puppies?


#4

… but not as strange as nudibranch sex …


#5

I’ve read that many pug dogs are, due to the horrifically warped bodies and awkward postures demanded by breed standards and inbreeding, physically unable to copulate.

Which means pug breeders have to become really, really familiar with the stuff behind the link in order to perfom the necessary (ahem) manual interventions.

So the next time you meet someone who breeds pugs, think about where there fingers have been before shaking hands.


#6

I’m cool with some portions of life staying a mystery.


#7

This job – doing hand-jobs for pugs and roasting coffee beans – is what I will do if I ever retire.


#8

“Here comes the lipstick.”
-Garden State


#9

If you missed out on witnessing this information first hand, though, be prepared to spend the next 15 minutes being mesmerized by videos of dogs doing it on YouTube.

I think a soundtrack by a Christian with dog makeup telling people to act more like dogs also fits the bill here:

I don’t know what the rules are at your work, but if humping dogs will get you fired, then turn it up loud, get fired and start a revolution or something in your new-found free time:

For some reason the link won’t work… trying again here.


#10

Having read that, and disdainfully refrained from the videos, I suddenly thought that if human sex were like dog sex, we’d have a lot less infidelity in the world.

“Dog knot”.


#11

Also, consider whether you want to shake hands or speak civilly to someone who deliberately inflicts crippling deformities on living, feeling creatures for fun and profit.


#12

I once refrained from trolling some furry-art-fan friends with speculation about what doing the deed with one of those hawt anthro canines might actually entail.


#13

The whole topic of breeding dogs with what could only be described as crippling deformities strictly for vanity purposes (these are not in any sense working breeds) is a can of worms you should approach very gingerly.


#14

Mysteries? I thought that all one needed is a jar of peanut butter…


#15

To be ginger, I’ll make sure to use the careful phraseology you have proffered.


#16

I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but when most people complain of infidelity, they mean their S.O. is getting some on the side, not that they keep pulling out and running off during the act.


#17

You’re making a big assumption in thinking that wasn’t already considered.


#18

Not the among the particular guys I’m talking about.

OTOH: I wrote the official RPG worldbook for Brin’s Uplift setting, and during playtesting got to know that there are anthropomorphics fans with deeeeeep knowledge of varous forms of mammalian whoopee.


#19

On the lighter side of pet ownership…

“My Pet Vortex”:

Having a rift in the space-time continuum is one thing…

…but keeping it off the bed is REALLY hard!


#20

+2 for using the Nairobi Trio music.