Go given that you understand this on the one hand, and on the other you still take it personally . Couldn’t you be of some assistance and help a guy past his embarrassment?
Like this? I would think this would be assistance to get past embarrassment.
I understand where the writer is coming from, but BELIEVE me, it’s not just a “momentary” embarrassment. The guy will be revisiting that one for a while in his head. Especially right before “curtain time” the next time around.
So, for starters, I think this post is generally good advice. (It’s also something a man should never say to another man in bed, etc., but okay.)
That said–speaking purely from painful experience–the whole Mystique Of The Erection thing cuts both ways. When there’s a failure to launch, as sometimes happens for exactly these reasons to healthy men of any age, there is great potential for wrong-saying on all sides. “This never happens!” is bad for the reasons this post says it is–it implicitly puts blame on the other partner. But many equally well-meaning rejoinders–“maybe if you tried ___?” or “what’s wrong?” or “I bet it’s because ___”–have the same blame-placing effect. They suggest that a man is sexually valid to the extent that he can get hard on demand, and that anything less is a failure.
(Also, not for nothing, the confusion suggested by “This never happens!” is often genuine. It’s not like a man staring at his limp penis is thinking, “Ah, this is 70% because my boss yelled at me today, and 30% because I only got five hours’ sleep last night.” Explaining it to the partner isn’t an option if you don’t know why it’s happening yourself.)
Now, if I had to guess, I’d say that men trying to get erections are much, much more responsible for that attitude (lack of erection once = impotence = failure) than their partners are. But unless and until our sexual culture fully internalizes the notion that a non-erect penis is no bigger a deal than a vibrator whose batteries give out, it’s worth emphasizing sensitivity and resilience on both sides of the equation.
A couple of lollipop sticks and some sellotape?
It’s not the one thing. It’s just one of many things.
I usually scream, “Not again! The curse! THE CURSE!” and grab the nearest sheet and run out of the room.
Way to make it about you.
It’s a good observation that I hadn’t thought about before. But the use of “we” in this piece bugs me. It’s written as a collective open letter to all “guys” from all women. It feels presumptuous and over-generalizing, like you’re writing for Cosmo or Maxim. Share your experience and that of those around you, but don’t claim to speak for everyone.
It sounds like the article is written from the perspective of a hookup.
In the context of a relationship, usually no biggie.
Cool, I’ve been really hoping that BB would morph into Jezebel.
Then we would be one step closer to becoming Juke Joint Jezebel! My favorite!
Taking a problem a person is literally having with their own body… then they make a factual statement about it… but now it’s the other person’s problem.
A pangolin? That’s never happened before…
You know what they say - a problem shared is a problem doubled.
Eh - just because the chef’s out of one item doesn’t mean the dinner’s over.