The one thing a man should never say to a woman in bed


#1

[Read the post]


#2

Noted.


#4

Go given that you understand this on the one hand, and on the other you still take it personally . Couldn’t you be of some assistance and help a guy past his embarrassment?


#5

Like this? I would think this would be assistance to get past embarrassment.


#6

I understand where the writer is coming from, but BELIEVE me, it’s not just a “momentary” embarrassment. The guy will be revisiting that one for a while in his head. Especially right before “curtain time” the next time around.


#7

So, for starters, I think this post is generally good advice. (It’s also something a man should never say to another man in bed, etc., but okay.)

That said–speaking purely from painful experience–the whole Mystique Of The Erection thing cuts both ways. When there’s a failure to launch, as sometimes happens for exactly these reasons to healthy men of any age, there is great potential for wrong-saying on all sides. “This never happens!” is bad for the reasons this post says it is–it implicitly puts blame on the other partner. But many equally well-meaning rejoinders–“maybe if you tried ___?” or “what’s wrong?” or “I bet it’s because ___”–have the same blame-placing effect. They suggest that a man is sexually valid to the extent that he can get hard on demand, and that anything less is a failure.

(Also, not for nothing, the confusion suggested by “This never happens!” is often genuine. It’s not like a man staring at his limp penis is thinking, “Ah, this is 70% because my boss yelled at me today, and 30% because I only got five hours’ sleep last night.” Explaining it to the partner isn’t an option if you don’t know why it’s happening yourself.)

Now, if I had to guess, I’d say that men trying to get erections are much, much more responsible for that attitude (lack of erection once = impotence = failure) than their partners are. But unless and until our sexual culture fully internalizes the notion that a non-erect penis is no bigger a deal than a vibrator whose batteries give out, it’s worth emphasizing sensitivity and resilience on both sides of the equation.


#9

Blimey.


#10

A couple of lollipop sticks and some sellotape?


#11

It’s not the one thing. It’s just one of many things.


#12

I usually scream, “Not again! The curse! THE CURSE!” and grab the nearest sheet and run out of the room.


#13

Way to make it about you.


#14

It’s a good observation that I hadn’t thought about before. But the use of “we” in this piece bugs me. It’s written as a collective open letter to all “guys” from all women. It feels presumptuous and over-generalizing, like you’re writing for Cosmo or Maxim. Share your experience and that of those around you, but don’t claim to speak for everyone.


#15

It sounds like the article is written from the perspective of a hookup.

In the context of a relationship, usually no biggie.


#16

Cool, I’ve been really hoping that BB would morph into Jezebel.


#17

Then we would be one step closer to becoming Juke Joint Jezebel! My favorite!


#18

Only one thing?
Jennie has a regular feature WNTS


#19

Nice “writing”.

Taking a problem a person is literally having with their own body… then they make a factual statement about it… but now it’s the other person’s problem.


#20

A pangolin? That’s never happened before…


#21

You know what they say - a problem shared is a problem doubled.


#23

Eh - just because the chef’s out of one item doesn’t mean the dinner’s over.