I like pineapple on my pizza and I like the everything bagel.
So, much so I bought the seasoning.
It’s good on cottage cheese.
I am a monster.
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Kolaches or Breakfast Tacos. Those are the only acceptable “bring breakfast for everyone at work” options in Austin.
Did you find acceptable bagels in Austin?
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You monster
Nay, sir.
Nay.
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“Mystery!” and “Ketchup again!” are what makes me want this.
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First off, I love the US, but… for the food 
The exception is sandwiches and bagels, on that front you’re masters. I still remember my first everything bagel w creme cheese, yum.
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If you had asked me how the everything bagel was invented, I would have guessed a story exactly like the real one. Most things that become wildly popular have fairly banal origins. In any case, you can have your everything bagels, if that’s what you really like. I’ll stick to salt, poppy seed or (when I can get them) egg bagels. Soggy bits of dried burnt onion never really did it for me, and sesame seeds are for hamburger buns.
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It’s the classic combination you’d get on your makkaraperunat (French fries & deepfried sausage slices), or lihapiirakka (deep-fried doughnut filled with minced meat and rice), at a grillikioski (basically a food truck kind of a thing).
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Please tell me those are green chili peppers on there.
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“Simulated Flavor” sounds like some Matrix shit right there
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What if they’re not?
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The I shall cease my search for green chili pepper-topped bagels… sadly. 
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It’s jalapeno.
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I resume the search. 
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Our local version is the Halal Snack Pack - French fries covered in shawarma meat and the holy trinity of sauces - chilli, garlic and hummus.
And it’s almost time for lunch…
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You’ve seriously never seen a jalapeño-cheese bagel?
I’m sorry.
Now, my physiology is not compatible with the jalapeño part of that, unfortunately, but when I’ve been desperate, I just pick off the peppers and replace that volume with mayonnaise. 
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That’s correct. The only bagels I scope out are the ones I build myself (always with a shmear, and with lox if we happen to have it on hand).
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You’re baking them yourself? Or buying? Because I’ve baked my own, but never baked my own with cheese and jalapeño. Only bought.
ETA: jalapeño cheese bagels can be purchased at every grocery store and bakery in my area code.
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We buy them from a local deli/market that makes them the traditional way. The bagels that I’ve had at work (brought in by co-workers every once and a while) have always been airy and much too soft; of little substance; I call them So-Cal softies. And I just pass on them now.
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To Americans- all the versions of All Dressed that you have received are terrible. As a die hard All Dressed fan stranded in the US, I try every version that occasionally comes around, in the hopes of it being real Old Dutch-quality All Dressed. I think they are afraid Americans won’t like it or something, because the result is always a thin watered down facsimile that’s mostly just weak salt and vinegar. The same thing happens when they try to introduce dill pickle or ketchup flavors. They’re so afraid to go all in on it that the result is terrible.
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