Originally published at: This is likely a 2,000-year-old Roman dildo, say archaeologists | Boing Boing
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I read some of the discussion paper, my 14 year old self read this and giggled.
Archaeological wood is prone to shrinkage
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TBH, anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough.
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At least they didn’t settle on the default (and dumb) religious ritual artifact.
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thought it to be a darning tool to sew up holes in fabric. Now though, archaeologists suspect that it’s a 2,000-year-old Roman dildo
whynotboth.gif
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They aren’t mutually exclusive. “Oh gods! oh gods! oh gods!” 
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The whittler’s sanding game would have to be top notch.
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I worry using this type of dildo might splinter one’s relationship
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Well that and they did have fertility rituals and gods, like Bacchus, Inuus, Juno, etc.
From what I gathered, there were a lot more dicks in public spaces in Roman times than today. Statues, reliefs, murals, and even on roads to point the way to brothels. It could have been for decoration or someone taking some scrap wood or tool and making it look more dick like because they were bored/it’s funny.
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Ouch - what about splinters?
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If used for that, I’m sure it was polished and lacquered at some point.
People weren’t dumb.
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Since this ancient object was first discovered thirty years ago, archaeologists have thought it to be a darning tool to sew up holes in fabric.
“Sextus Amelius, a word with you if I may?”
“Of course, my dear Quintus – what’s on your mind?”
“Well, the other day, I walked in on my wife Julia Secunda. She seemed somewhat … flushed … and she was holding an … an object.”
“What kind of object?”
“Made of wood. It resembled … a masculine organ. Erect. And very large. Naturally, I asked her what on earth it was, and she tried to make me believe that it was a darning tool. To sew up holes in fabric!”
“My good fellow, forgive me laughing … your face … it is truly the first time you have seen such a thing?”
“You’ve seen one too?”
“Of course! My wife has one. I remember the first time I saw it. I confess, I thought the very same thing as you.”
“It does look … rather like …”
“Indeed it does. My wife offered to demonstrate how it was used, but when she started to get out her needles and thread, well, I remembered that I had an appointment at the senate. It isn’t good for a man to take too much interest in women’s affairs. They have their world, and we have ours. Let them keep their little domestic mysteries, I say, while we go on with the great business of the empire.”
“Quite. Quite. Thank you, my friend, this is a load off my mind. In fact … a thought just struck me. I should buy one for my daughter. She is almost of an age to be married, but rather flighty. This darning tool, whatever it is, will give her the means to occupy herself, and set her on course to become a modest and industrious matron like her mother.”
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I couldn’t find the meme on fark, but there was a “Paige, no! It belongs in a museum”
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Stephen Colbert had a recap on the Late Show. Apparently, this device’s dildo-nature is abstract enough to prevent the notoriously skittish CBS S&P department from pixelating it.
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They certainly are now, why should 2,000 years ago be any different?
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No flange, not safe!!
Now I’m wondering if all the “fertility” idols were just portable spank bank material.
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Did she happen to mention having an interesting in Crocheting Bags and Things? I understand that some people do employee needles and thread for such practices.
FTA: “I have to confess—part of me thinks it’s kind of self-evident that it is a penis,” Newcastle University archaeologist Rob Collins told The Guardian.
well, i mean, right? just look at it.
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