This oral history of Bagel Bites chronicles the creation of one of mankind's greatest achievements

Originally published at: This oral history of Bagel Bites chronicles the creation of one of mankind's greatest achievements | Boing Boing

No, I believe it.


Somehow, Bagel Bites are uniquely designed to remove all skin from the upper gums and roof of your mouth. Microwaving a Bagel Bite is guaranteed to have one half of the bagel still frozen and the other half hotter than the surface of the sun.


I love pizza and I love bagels*. These, not so much. I vaguely remember our family giving them a try sometime around 1984/1985 as a snack and then never buying them again.

[* Does not include the Lenders variety, which deserve scare quotes]


I’ve never had a Bagel Bite. The comments here so far have convinced me that I’m not missing out. Plus, let’s be honest, how can I trust them with this product when the company producing them has forever instructed consumers to undercook their tater tots?


Bagels, because English muffins are trashy?


If you’re over the age of 9, the window has closed. They’re a kiddie garbage snack like Pizza Rolls and Dino Nuggies.


I’ve never had these so I can’t comment on their taste or lack thereof, but there’s one thing I do know…
“When you make a pizza bagel you really shouldn’t use cinnamon raisin”.


Bagel bites may have been invented in 1982, but pizza bagels had been around for years–my junior high and high school cafeterias served them every week.


See, the inherent issue here is using a microwave to cook your bagel bites. Sure it’s fast, but in reality a conventional oven or toaster oven is by far the better way to cook these novelty type foods (see also: hot pockets, pizza rolls)

Blueberry, even…

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The bagel product wasn’t brilliant,

That damned commercial is what sold these things.

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I was in high school and college in New England during the 80’s and I remember the jingle quite well. I’ve never eaten a Bagel Bite, however. I’ve never even been offered one. I think my mother would have rather died than buy something like that at the store.

We liked our english muffin mini-pizzas. Split and toast a Thomas’ english muffin, spread on pizza sauce and add Kraft singles (eat what doesn’t fit). Return to the toaster oven and broil until the cheese melts. It was one of the first things I remember cooking for myself.

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