TOM THE DANCING BUG: The Real Reason Lucky Ducky is Stuck at a Minimum Wage Job


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Damn that Lucky Ducky. He’s working three jobs! Poor Hollingsworth Hound is stuck trying to create jobs when selfish people like Lucky Ducky are taking more than their fair share!


We’ve got to nip this thing in the bud before minimum-wage employees start getting ideas like making minimum wage laws keep up with inflation. Or worse yet, guaranteeing that every full-time employee makes a (shudder) living wage.


What’s not funny about this is that today’s rich kids have to struggle to find minimum wage work to be able to take Betty SueLou to the dance.

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Might be even worse if they want a non-living wage… Ever notice the lavish lifestyles of the undead in vampire movies?


Compound interest is good for long term savings - plus you get excellent rates at the blood bank.

Did anyone see that the good people of SeaTac voted to raise the minimum wage there to $15 yesterday?


I always thought the living dead supported their lavish lifestyles with their victims’ money. It must be getting harder to maintain those big mansions and elegant wardrobes, though, with stolen credit cards being much easier to track.

If I remember the novel correctly, Dracula actually tried to keep up the appearance of having a full staff at his mansion via a series of unconvincing costume changes.


Whatever it takes, the next time I read the book, I’ll believe that this is what’s going on. If Stoker writes in a costume change that’s too convincing, I’ll mentally worsen it.

Vampires work so well as a metaphor for the ruling class, that I’m disappointed that that angle doesn’t get worked more often in vampire stories. I’ve thought that part of what’s going on in Dracula – the original novel – is that Count Dracula himself is a sort of paragon of a decaying aristocracy, and the protagonists are champions of modernity.


The economics student in me pipes in: Lucky Ducky thinks his potential economic profits from quitting his third job and trying to launch a startup are less than his potential economic profits from getting paid one more dollar an hour. Kinda puts a damper on the “Why don’t they just not be poor?” argument.

SPOILER: Which is why it’s so fitting that the title character is killed by a cowboy. Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker!

As long as money is a sole motivator of you, so shall you be…

Shamoney on you…


Mehmoney on you, squared.


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