So many of you formerly-respectable people can go to hell and die in an outhouse with a broken seat. I don’t love hot dogs, but when I eat them, it’s with ketchup, goddammit. Mustard? Man, I shit mustard when I’m particularly ill, and relish and onions are for the unkissable.
I also don’t stand for the anthem. And I fart during the pledge of allegiance.
Plus: apple pie is revolting.
I’m gonna get myself a couple Hebrew National all-beef kosher franks (one for each middle-finger-sporting fist), slap 'em onto Hawaiian buns, slather them with Heinz ketchup, and eat 'em right out on the street in front of God & ever’body.
'Cause I’m a Heavily Privileged American and I can go to hell in my own way.
Kiss my mustardy ass!
