My suggestion:

My suggestion:

I was all geared up to poke fun at USA Todayâs lack of a Pulitzer and say maybe itâs finally time, but
As do I.
How about some lawyers, guns, and money instead?
Seems to me that if you didnât vote for our President in the last two elections, youâd be unamerican. I mean, whatâs more patriotic than supporting our President?
Well, it is. The German king thought he should be king of America as well, American settlers disagreed, his army was kicked out and he decided not to visit in person to argue the toss. Using Scalia logic, that sets a precedent.
Do I have to love him? I have an excuse note.
If you do a write in vote for the âNRAâ as a corporate person; that makes you a true American.
Maybe Iâm not afraid of that, are you? Iâm not concerned with winning over, or even placating anyone who cries Stalin and Pol Pot, are you?
If someoneâs yelling POL POT when they hear Bernieâs name, they most certainly arenât going to take the time to patiently parse the difference between Democratic Socialism and a social democracy.
Oh all right, youâre excused, just so long as the parental signature matches the one I have on file.
Well, one definition of love is âto work towards the spiritual growth of othersâ (spiritual in a not necessarily religious way), so yes, plenty of love at the Temple of bOINGbOING! 
Too easy, Iâve been forging them for years.
True story: I was away on a business trip in India when an important document needed signing. My wife told our lawyer (who happened to be my father) that I wasnât back for a week. âWhat,â he said, âare you seriously telling me you canât forge a signature?â
Well, in my case I have given the benefit of the doubt in the past to people who write in CAPITALS and my carefully considered conclusion is - naah, canât be bothered.
Fair enough! 
TĘá´á´âęą á´Ęá´á´á´á´ ÉŞá´á´.
The reality is Donald Trump is not that good a candidate, honestly out of hundreds of millions of possible Americans that is the best that Republicans can do is rather sad and to, not being American myself, really quite funny.
Be that all it may, if you tell lies and get caught out at it, then your truths will no longer be believed either, this whole story stinks of a right winger attack, coming straight out of the Hillary Clinton camp, which is exactly why Bernie Sanders will win against Trump and why Hillary Clinton would lose against Trump, Trump already won in a right wing politics attack fest and as such the corporate Democrats going with that same attack plan will lose.
What could be more stupid than Hillary Clinton trying to attack Trump by preaching war, when both the left and right are sick of paying for the military extravagances of NATO trying to take over the world to sell more US/UK weapons and killing as many a necessary to push that agenda and Hillary attacks Trump for not being enough on the side of war for profit.
you mean a right-wing style attack? I think thatâs what you mean. She is rather very right handed for a âleftieâ.

THEREâS ONLY YOU, IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS.