Trump lawyer: he didn't rape Ivana because you "cannot rape your spouse"

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You’d think Trump could afford to hire better lawyers.

On the other hand, I guess this is of a piece with that campaign graphic. Maybe he’s just really terrible at selecting advisors?

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God what a shitbag.

His lawyers aren’t totally off base, though. If you think non-marital rape doesn’t get prosecuted much…

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They’re partly right - there is a lot of case law which says that marital rape is an impossibility. Except that these are old cases, prior to the 1970s. Pretending that those cases would apply since the laws have changed would be foolish.

Besides that threatening somebody for accusing them of a crime sounds rather desperate.

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What a festering, rotten, vile, symphony of dumbfuck from Dumbfucktopia riding on a shitpony of a pimple riding on the morally-bankrupt ass that is Donald Douchebag Trump.

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Please let Donald Trump be the Republican nominee, please let Donald Trump be the Republican nominee, please…

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Ivana disagree.

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I’m sure Trump’s lawyer also agrees that if you beat your slave and it takes a few days for the slave to die, then you aren’t legally culpable of murder.

Also, I’d bet this asshat also believes that if a woman is raped, the rapist owes her father 40 sheckles and the rapist must marry his victim.


What I’m saying here is that this lawyer appears to be as competent to practice law in the US as an illiterate bronze-age herder.

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Apparently new users can’t post images, but this was just too appropriate

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That is an insult to bronze-age goat herders. You take that back.

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There’s always money in the banana stand…

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Dude, if you didn’t steal that joke from the Twitter, you win the Internet for today.

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After a painful scalp reduction surgery to remove a bald spot, Donald Trump confronted his then-wife, who had previously used the same plastic surgeon.

“Your fucking doctor has ruined me!” Trump cried.

Jesus, it’s a supervillain origin story. I can almost hear him demanding to see a mirror before cackling madly and stomping off to disfigure his mistress.

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Now we just need Bill Cosby to be his running mate for maximum insanity.

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I thought it was that “There’s always a monkey in the banana stand”…

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Sounds like a great lawyer. You can’t rape your spouse & and someone running for President isn’t a public figure.

Hey Donnie - I’m not saying it’s true - but people have raised the question. That’s why I’m calling on you to release the court documents and depositions & release your ex from the gag order. It’s just like birth certificates - but much worse.

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I wonder if this will cause him to poll higher among Republican voters. Not even joking.

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It’s kinda minor surgery - and it’s not like they weren’t handing heavy pain meds like candy on Halloween back in the 80’s. Hell - guys could get qualudes from their gynecologists. He sounds like a hysterical baby.

Can you imagine him carrying the nuclear football and the poor dear has a hangnail or throws his back out.

Cue Randy Newman.

Asia’s crowded and Europe’s too old
Africa is far too hot and Canada’s too cold
And South America stole our name

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Christ, what an asshole.

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Wouldn’t that be rape in one culture in one place in space and time?