Trump's pastor to flock: Give me your January salary or God will punish you

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/01/30/trumps-pastor-to-flock-give.html

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“If God doesn’t divinely step in and intervene, I don’t know what you’re going to face—he does,” she said.

“Nice life ya got there. It would be a shame if something … happened to it.”

I love it when these con artists act like enforcers and bagmen working for a non-existent Godfather.

[pun intended]

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Well, that leaves a crap-ton of government employees fucked in the eyes of God, I guess. Assuming any of them are unfortunate enough to be in her “flock”.

Or is this some convoluted way of getting out of paying them – eventually – for January? “We were going to pay you your back pay, but then we figured that deep down you wanted to be right with the Lord, sooooooo. we gave all your money to Paula.”

“If God doesn’t divinely step in and intervene, I don’t know what you’re going to face—he does,” she said.

Seriously, Christians… are you really okay with this madness?

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Fine, “first fruits” belong to god. Paula White ain’t god, therefore she shouldn’t get shit. Just tell her “sorry, already gave my first fruits to another pastor, hopefully god will get that money from him.”

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It’s almost as if Our Lady Of Perpetual Exemption run by the Megareverend John Oliver never happened:

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I wonder how much she got from Trump.

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In a perfect world that woman (and everyone like her) eats the blade from a guillotine.

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Oh come on. Trump does not have a “pastor.” You think he can sit still for 15 minutes and listen to a woman?

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No. Hell no. Absolutely no. In no way shape or form. This is Jim Bakker territory.

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Hey, she’s an 8 and they seem like Trump’s kind of people.

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Well, he did…

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Drumpflefingers won’t pay her either.

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I’m pretty sure smoke is the only thing that reaches God:

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Ooohh… First fruits, I thought they said Fist fruits:

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And religious people told me my whole life I’m crazy for not believing, while they continue to have assholes like this around every corner in their own pasture, yet offer no explanation for it.

Everyday I live I am only convinced more that everyone religious is living a con job.

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Twelve gods, whatever she is doing with her face is twigging my uncanny valley-o-meter something fierce!

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At times like this, I wish I wasn’t an atheist. It would really make me happy believing there was a warm spot in hell just for this type.

I think this rates as a level 8 on the Dante scale?

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My thought was “first foots”, like…up their ass.

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Technically, one month’s salary would be 8.33% which is actually less than the tithe (10%) that many would say that scripture calls for. It sounds a lot worse, however, when you put it this way.

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Please pay me first fruits, but wait until February to send the money it.
Thanks