Originally published at: Two men in the middle of kidnapping a Louisiana woman drown on the job | Boing Boing
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But… if the two accomplices both died in the attempt, how did the criminal mastermind get caught? As Benjamin Franklin said, “three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead”
Detective Jared Istre of the Lafayette Police Department, who investigated the case, found video of Mr. Handley planning the kidnapping as well as checklists that he had made and evidence showing that he rented the van and bought the handcuffs used by the two kidnappers, prosecutors said.
Ah, OK. Maybe I was mistaken about the “criminal mastermind” part.
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Both men tried to escape by swimming through a canal, prosecutors said. They drowned.
This elicited a giggle from me, my deepest apologies.
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They could make a movie out of this. . . oh, wait. . . nevermind.
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Was just coming here to say “this sounds like a Coen Bros movie.”
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Why do I feel like Elmore Leonard must have written something like this?
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He even kinda looks like Bill Macy/Jerry Lundegaard.
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saw that mug shot and my first thought was – we got bill macy’s next project. nice work!
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Talk about burying the lede.
The most important detail in this story is that one can rent handcuffs!
Imma open a family-friendly, Christian handcuff rental right here in Texas. Yeehaw!
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“Hey dumbasses, want to make $100 each? It involves a serious crime while crossing state lines.”
“$100… each?? Jerry, we could afford those swimming lessons we always wanted! We’re in!”
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Hired by the supreme dumbass who thought that this was the way to “win back” his ex. Oh, the toxicity… 
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Nothing says heroic like being kidnapped at gunpoint, having a sack over your head, and thrown into a panel van. Valentine’s Day 2022, here I come!
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As John Rogers likes to say, “There are no Moriartys.”
That was his defense, wasn’t it? That was the best possible interpretation he could come up with for his obvious involvement in the plot. So he could very well have been trying to bump off his estranged wife, for all we know. (Although I have heard of a number of cases where people thought it would be “fun” to stage a kidnapping of a woman as part of say, a birthday surprise, with no awareness of the kind of psychological damage that would do, so…)
There’s nothing like a kidnapping and the apparently imminent threat of rape and/or murder to get a lady in the mood for her “rescuer”! Or give her life-long PTSD. One or the other…
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Honestly both scenarios sound equally likely to me. Toxic masculinity combined with viewing women as “property that requires solving a puzzle to own” generates both outcomes in equal measure, in my experience.
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If your plan to “win back” a spouse involves guns and kidnapping, it’s probably a better idea to just cut bait and remain single.
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Have heard of someone taking a self-defense course, whose boyfriend decided it’d be good/funny to “test” her skills by grabbing her by surprise in a dark parking lot. Back elbow to his nose, broke it.
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My thought was “hmm… not sure if I’d rather face the dangerous beasts on land (the popo) vs their slightly less dangerous reptilian kin that are likely in a Louisiana canal…”
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I mean, it’s certainly the kind of thing a toxic masculine asshole would do, but since it’s his legal defense (with no corroboration), that automatically raises some questions about its truthfulness. Especially given the context of constant threats and her expectation he was going to try to kill her:
He subjected Ms. Handley to hundreds of threats, once telling her “Armageddon is coming,” as they went through a divorce, she said. For two months, she said, she had live-in security at her house.
“I knew he was coming to get me,” she said.
It doesn’t exactly sound like a relationship he was trying to repair, though given his drug binges, he may not have been entirely sure what he intended to do…
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“It was certainly not logical thinking, but when you’re doing a lot of meth and cocaine, I guess it seemed rational to him,” Mr. Stockstill said. “It turned out to be a terrible decision.”
I guess since a plea was already entered, it doesn’t matter what his lawyer says in interviews. But wow.
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