Noooo !! 
Everyone knows Henry and Hetty are an item, how could he?
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Itās all gone a bit Pete Tong for Henry.
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Put a pair of googly eyes above that thingās "mouthā and . . . well!
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Iāve actually read really great reviews of the āVenus 2000ā (I canāt remember who makes it) and itās invariably described as the best powered male sex toy ever.
It uses a vacuum pump, but a lot of reviews say itās not like a blow job or anything like vaginal sex and that itās a unique type of stimulator.
From the preponderance of good reviews Iād buy one if it werenāt so expensive.
Downsides: itās noisy like most powered phallic stimulators, and sometimes it latches onto your junk if you turn it up too high and is difficult to disengage once itās been powered off.
Seems like a fairly primitive design. And kind of a niche market as well. About 95-98 percent of guys regularly fellate themselves, so Iām not clear whatās going to convince them to use this thing instead.
Here is one from back in the day.
http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1998-10.html
The oldies are forever.
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Itās made by Sybian, who have achieved some measure of notoriety for their eponymous vibe for women.
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That has a long hose that keeps the spinning blades away from the engorged member, possibly leaving room for other injuries. However, are you quite sure that you will be able to reach the controls?
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But, it makes household chores fun again and think of what youāll save on kleenex!
ETA: Actually, all I can think of is that pfffffffftt! sound it makes when you get something like a rag stuck in the nozzle. Not sure if thatās the kinda action Iām looking for on a lazy Saturday afternoon.
Honestly, the #1 reason I wonāt stick my penis into the properly sterilized orifice of a vacuum cleaner is because Iām afraid of ābruisingā my cock. Iāve seen the videos of guys with bruised penises. And thatās horrific. If any of the veins or arteries get broken, the cock loses all structural integrity, swells up like a balloon, and will never work as well again. In addition, thereās also the fact that if you get even a small scratch or scrape in such a state, youāre liable to hemmorage to death like a hemophiliac. Thatās perhaps the least sexy thing ever.
Thatās another reason why I steer clear of penile pumps. I canāt trust myself not to pump it up till something important ruptures, then Iāll have a busted dick for the rest of my life if Iām lucky, or I might just bleed out and die from hypovolemia. Which I donāt want either.
Useful to know. 
I can see why you would have repressed that scene.
That would really suck!
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Really. Thereās not a whole huge list of other reasons that occur first, like āWHAT THE EVERY LIVING F#@K WOULD YOU DO THAT FORā ? or even just ābecause I want to keep my penisā?!?
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To be honest, the real #1 reason is because my hand does a fine job on its own.
Itās not necessarily the case that this model was particularly popular, just that it was particularly hazardous. I think weāre dealing with the opposite of survivor bias, and there are many men out there who use other brands without incident. Itās a weird turnabout from the usual male/female balance of hazard associated with sex though: there arenāt as many objects for men to use around the house for the purpose, and the ones that do get used have a greater chance of doing serious damage.
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Please tell me thereās a typo there, Iām really feeling left out now.
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I wondered about thatā¦ Human guys? Not so much. Male dogs? Sounds a little low. 
As George Carlin said, if he could reach heād never leave the house.
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If it were true the human race would have been extinct a long time ago.
Hah! Noā¦ even if you are big enough and flexible enough to do so, unless you just like the taste that much there is no reason to do this. (And if you so like the taste, you are much better served by getting a boyfriend.)
And that is not even getting to deep throating, doubt anyone but a real yoga master could do that on their self.
