Virtual toilets reveal the souls of video-game companies


Originally published at:


Hard to get much worse that accidentally drinking out of the toilets in the Fallout series…


favourite videogame toilet

Let me think?


Put the lid down!


The toilets in the Institute in Fallout 4 drive me NUTS.

You can’t drink out of them (which is fine) but you CAN slide open the back of the tank for absolutely no reason (that I can find).



I’ll take “Questions I wasn’t Expecting Today” for $200


I’m very fond of Hotel Dusk: Room 215 on the Nintendo DS. You get to examine a lot of hotel room bathrooms in the game, and for no reason whatsoever, each one comes with its unique set of descriptions.


It is strange that Mario and Luigi are supposedly plumbers, but never have I seen a toilet in their games.


I like the poop buckets in Skyrim, frequently seen with books. Whether the books are there for reading while sitting or for toilet paper I am not sure.


I remember in the early days of Duke Nukem Forever, countless hours seemed to be spent bikeshedding over interactive toilets and so little time on plot and game development.


I loved shooting out the toilets in the original Duke.


Maybe they need soul-crushing labor, shitty food, blathering cable news/reality TV, and a religion based around shopping too, for ultra-reality.

Also: Was going to say none of the Zelda games have bathrooms, but then I remembered the guy who fell in the outhouse in Oracle of Ages, and really needs toilet paper. So you give him a paper bag and he disappears and a moment later he gives you a ‘Stinky Package’. Not sure why a man submerged in filth in an in-ground septic toilet is so worried about toilet paper, but you do you Japan.

Also: The Western way of pooping is terrible. The colon is designed to eliminate in a squatting position, like most in the ‘third world’ poop. The best remedy in the West is the ‘Squatty Potty’, which allows a squatting posture on an American toilet. Plus it’s great to have one in the house and tell all your guests about it if your teenage children respect you too much.


You see pipes, though. Plumbers do more than fix toilets…


There are favourite game toilets… and then there’s favourite Silent Hill toilet, behold:


If you ever wandered into the women’s bathroom in Deus Ex…


Agreed, but what purpose do those pipes serve? And do Mario and Luigi ever actually fix those pipes? The only things that seem to go through those pipes are the Bros themselves.


No, they just travel around in them… Plumbers also don’t stomp on walking mushrooms, hit blocks to get gold coins, or kick turtles into pits, either.

Maybe they are just lying that they are actually plumbers? Or we’re supposed to understand them as plumbers caught in some sort of weird-ass universe that they have to navigate to save the princess and go home so they can get back to their lives of toilet fixing and pipe installing?

We should write a super mario brothers themed dystopian novel now.


Did they ever make a videogame of Trainspotting?

Failing that, the one you drive around on, in Micro Machines 2:



There is this Half-Life 2 achievement

Also the toilets in the Borderlands games usually have ammo and guns in them

You could look at the pip-boy to cancel it, although I usually ended up trying to drink from a pool of water in a crater rather than from the toilets