Warrior axe straight razor

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/07/26/warrior-axe-straight-razor.html


*obviously joking. The teeny axe is pretty darn amusing but damn that’s an expensive gag purchase to make.


I’m such a milquetoast that my idea of adventurous grooming was to join the Dollar Shave Club. This is way out of my league.


Considering I have been able to draw blood with my norelco I am going to pass.


I have this i believe, i specifically wanted a wired trimmer so i wouldn’t have to worry about batteries. It won’t give me a close shave but it gets me 90% of the way there and then i use a disposable razor to get a clean shave in the areas around my beard.

Mr. notthatmia refers to this as “artisanal-shaving-as-a-hobby” and has suggested that the next step will be shaving with a hand-chipped flint knife. A newly made one each morning.


Real men – like National Lampoon’s Sergeant Nick Penis – shave with a combat knife. While smoking a cigar.

Image attribution.


Roger That!

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What, no bearded axe jokes?

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As we all know, loggers pound their whiskers in with a hammer, and bite 'em off inside.


Note the solid grip and the blade edge pointing at the thumb.

Note the precarious thumb-and-forefinger grip and the blade edge about 8cm from the line of the thumb.

The angle of the blade is crucial in shaving. Any slight movement of the thumb will result in a greatly magnified change in the angle. I presume this little axe thingy is designed to produce scars because for warriors, that’s the appeal .

Also, it’s ugly.


Implementation would be a pain; but going with glass wouldn’t actually be too out of character with the shaving-industry tendency toward steel that aims at holding a great edge; but with disposably short lifespans.

If anything, the problem with a decent glass knife would be that a bit of neat flensing would be indistinguishable from normal use until you’d already given yourself a nasty cut unless constant vigilance was exercised.

Observing a microtome slicing tissue thin enough to make transmission electron microscopy work; while barely mussing microscopically fine details, is a viscerally disconcerting reminder that the meaning of ‘sharp’ has a lot more headroom than daily life would suggest.


Call that a knife…?


It’s not all that different from a traditional Japanese razor.

Or more than a few ancient styles of razor.

And do we really expect stock models to hold things properly. They’re often Flabbergasted by salads.

Curiosity got the better if me a while back. Apparently before metal most cultures plucked hair or burned it off with hot stones

Would you like to see my extensive collection of hot stones?


Next year my beard turns 50 years old…we don’t need no stinking razors, shavers, knives, axes or other cutesy cutting crap. A good pair of scissors and a general distain for appearance has saved me over 1794.37 cents over the years. …OK that’s bullshit I made up but still… fuck a bunch of shaving …except the part of turning 50…that’s true


Razors, axes, knives, swords, scalpels, … you name it.

Eh, I’ll stick to my electric razor, which was half the cost of this novelty toy.
If I could, I’d probably just grow a beard, but I’ve seen what that looks like and unless I get stuck on a deserted island for six months to get past the “it’s too long for stubble but not enough to be a beard” stage, it’s never happening.

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