Watch: AMAZING slam poem about policing women's speech habits

Please, PLEASE do some basic reading:

http://bfy.tw/411o

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No one is shouting you down. The world is literally full of examples of how white, straight, cis-gendered men understand and experience the world. It’s full of art, culture, commentary, scholarship, music, and literature written by men, much of it insightful and wonderful. There is much less of that from the rest of us - at least that’s respected and celebrated in the same way. How about instead of rolling your eyes every time someone makes a critical assesment of the world, you maybe try and listen instead of automatically assume it’s an attack on you…

Also:

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How other people experience and understand the world doesn’t necessarily correspond to reality though, it’s just another piece of information to be evaluated like any other. You should certainly listen to people, but that doesn’t mean you have to believe everything they say.

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Having a penis doesn’t make you the arbiter of reality.

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Really? :astonished: Thanks for clearing that up, that’s totally something I actually believe.

Good. My job here is done! :wink:

[ETA] But seriously, I’d like to point out (not just to you, but others in the thread) that this is also poetry, an art form. Hence the reality found within is subjective anyway. Not everyone is going to grock it or agree with it, but that’s the point of a work of art no? Not to tell the objective truth (which, what is that even), but to explain a subjective experience. That’s part of my problem with the comments in this thread, that a work of art has to be objective reality that conforms with “reality” actually is… but art isn’t about that.

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My point, which you artfully sidestepped with the Internet Judo so popular with some of the regs around here, isn’t that I specifically am being shouted down: it is that the very first post here was figuratively shouted down by the very second post. There are more ways to “shout down” than actual shouting. Clever, snarky gifs are one. Another is to brand your opponent as a “dudebro”, or use their previous posts to across-the-board dismiss whatever they have to say. When it’s done often enough and cleverly/snarkily enough, the likes and har har hars successfully diminish whatever point was originally being made. It’s allllll about silencing people hereabouts, taking away their voice by ridiculing said voice, when it’s a voice that needs to be silenced.

Not very long ago, I actually saw the following on a boingboing thread, not directed at a comment of mine, but 1984 enough that I wanted to remember it: “I’m flagging your post as hate speech for your own good.” Wow.

And while the following isn’t the only reason this poet slam person is being castigated by some people here, this at least has something to do with it. If, instead of the poet slammer’s target hadn’t been “old white men”, she’d instead complained about just “old people”, think about how you’d feel. Now imagine she’d said “old black men.” Both of these alternatives, if you’re honest, should make you a bit uncomfortable with her argument, and would make her seem, well, like a bit of a douche. But: since “old white men” are her target, it’s alllllll okay. That is a problem.

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Did you read the first post? It was incredibly dickish, actually.

And I’d suggest you read my above post to @caze about art and what it’s attempting to do. It’s about expressing a subjective experience and seeing how it flies.

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Why can I only like your comment one time?!??!

I’m so sad for your daughter’s sakes that you’re so accepting of the “normal” ways of speaking in settings where men established the norm.

Look, dad, one thing that a LOT of men do is talk over and interrupt women. They often do it because a woman is thinking through her thoughts while talking, something that men often do too, but she’s using indicative markers (like, you know, tonal uptick, etc.) that many men don’t recognize as valid (that is, “confident male”) modes of communication. So men interrupt or talk over her, and the usual male modes of communication once again validate men who communicate that way, and what they have to say.

Women also OFTEN say something in gatherings where men are present, only to have men repeat the same thing later as if it’s their idea, and then other men give him credit instead of her for saying it. Gee, I wonder why that happens? (Hint: it’s partly because most men think the way most men talk is the “right” way to talk.)

It’s infuriating that more men don’t even understand this cartoon!

Women do need to learn to talk like most men do to succeed in settings where the communicative norms have been established by men, and kudos to you for hoping to help your daughters understand that. But really, more men should learn to talk the way more women do (in a more MUTUALLY communicative mode, for one thing) as well. Maybe instead of “trying to help co-workers and acquaintances with direct advice about their speaking flaws” [flaws, REALLY?], you should try to correct men who respond negatively to women who don’t speak like men. Maybe start with yourself? :wink:

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people should be able to talk about the implications of someone’s artistic expression without erroneous claims they are attempting to silence them. engage with the substance of what people are saying if you want to have an genuine discussion with them, otherwise you’re basically trolling.

From an excellent (but too short!) response to Melissa’s poem that includes understanding of something else in it that AFAIK, no one here has discussed yet, the protective form of defense that seemingly weak language can be:

Criticizing women’s speech is nothing new, but people have been paying a lot more attention to it lately. There are plenty of examples to focus on: People who still seem unreasonably upset about the word “like” used as a filler word. People who don’t like the word “just” at all. People who don’t like upspeak, or the tendency to increase your pitch at the end of a sentence. People who hate vocal fry.

And it’s not just stogy old white men; even prominent feminists have espoused the view that young women just need to start speaking properly already if we want to be taken seriously.

In response, let me just say this: Um, I’ll, like, pass? Or whatever?

As Melissa Lozada-Oliva points out in her poem, the problem isn’t how young women speak. The problem is the world that forced women to adopt vocal defense mechanisms; it’s the world that defines proper speech as whatever old, white men are doing; and it’s the world that generally refuses to respect what young women have to say unless we say it exactly the way they want us to say it. And she does it in a way that is thought provoking and sophisticated — and also peppered with “likes” and upspeak.

Indeed. So what’s with the men here (and so many places elsewhere) claiming they’re being “silenced” simply because someone expresses disagreement with something they said?

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Do we know if the “male” and “female” [1] styles of presenting ideas in meetings are objectively better or worse at getting points across? You’d have to do some smart testing to make sure you’re not just seeing “people listen more attentively to male speakers”, of course, but it seems like the sort of thing a researcher somewhere might have looked at.

[1] I’d really prefer to find a more neutral set of labels, but given the context here you probably get my point

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Objectively better or worse? Since the listeners are listening subjectively, I’m not sure your question makes sense.

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Indeed. So what’s with the men here (and so many places elsewhere) claiming they’re being “silenced” simply because someone expresses disagreement with something they said?

The new rule seems to be that you can argue with the content of somebody’s opinion, as long you’re not a white male and the person being argued against is anything other than a white male, if you are actually a white male then you must defer to your betters (i.e. everybody who isn’t a white male).

In the case of this poet, nobody has so far claimed that she should be silenced (though maybe she should, because slam poetry, eugh) they are merely disagreeing with the implications of what she’s saying. There hasn’t even been much defence of the notion that these vocal patterns are a big problem that needs to be dealt with. So not only is nobody here trying to silence her, nobody here is even trying to police how she speaks.

All that has really been argued against is that the people she’s talking about are not actually the only people trying to silence her, that it’s more of a generational thing, or possibly a snobbish thing. That it might be wrong to draw conclusions about whole swathes of the population based on the perceptions of one young poet.

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Over a broad selection of speakers and listeners, does one style of speech leads to the listeners retaining more of the salient points, or does it mostly depend on the gender/age combinations involved?

Just to clarify - both would be interesting. The latter would be yet another good argument for “men need to shut up and listen”, the former a good argument for “we should teach girls and women to not speak in ways that undermines their message”. I’d honestly like to read a properly sourced article either way. :slight_smile:

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Holy crapsticks. … I just said I was tired and exhausted of this exact shit!

Amazeballs!

We have “I don’t see it so she’s lying” and “I’m gonna raise my daughters right” and “it’s not a gender issue it’s a communication issue” its the crap I’m tired of trifecta! /sigh

Did you know that not only does no one hassle Ira Glass about his vocal fry, he didn’t even know he had one! And he’s had whole episodes about vocal fry. Funny that eh?

To me policing tone is just the newest version of “women talk too much”.
http://www.pbs.org/speak/speech/prejudice/women/

So tired. I’m going back to Tumblr.

Edit to add “Men explain things to me” - because if you’re a woman, all this shit is the same old ball of wax. All of it.
https://www.guernicamag.com/daily/rebecca-solnit-men-explain-things-to-me/

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Which is sadly ironic because the commenters you’re defending didn’t convey the same courtesy to the poet.

“She’s pretending to be outraged”

“A feminist complaining about someone else policing her speech is a little rich.”

“this slam poet manufactures an ersatz non-issue topic to complain about and claim victimization”

" if it’s such a normal socially-acceptable behavior, enough of a Thing to rail against, then yeah, I think I would have seen it a few times."

“poetry (slam or otherwise) is basically an irrelevant dead medium in the 21st century”

Which part of those comments actually engaged with the substance of the poem rather than just railed against the manner or topic that she chose to convey?

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It’s probably worth noting that there are degrees of vocal fry and up-talk. Some people are far more extreme in how they use it, Ira Glass would be on the minor end of things by my ears. Another interesting factor might be that fry might appear more prominent when used by someone with a higher pitched voice, if you start off lower to begin with and fry-down it’s far less obvious because of the fact that human frequency response is non-linear (i.e. we have far higher ability to discern differences in high-frequency sounds than we do low-frequency ones).

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FTFY, you’re welcome.

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lol, human hearing is socially constructed now apparently.

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