“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”. The worst. Even the title sounds like a snarky insult.
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How about Silent Night with that awful line about ‘Jesus so tender and mild’. What is Jesus some sort of salsa ‘so tender and mild.’ That is it, Baby Jesus Salsa Steak Sauce makes your steaks so tender and mild.
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Bad translations should not be eligible.
I’m more of a Trans-Siberian Orchestra kind of girl.
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I don’t remember the name of this song. I last heard it during the early 80s. I hardly remember a thing about it, except for lead singer rattling off a list of Christmasy things in a nasal New York accent. Hot chocolate, little Baby Jesus, and little kids opening presents.
Wonderful Christmas Time is awful, but at least it was sung by someone who could sing.
My vote as well. Do they know it’s Christmastime at all? Well, if , like many African people, they are Muslim they probably do not.
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“tender and mild” was a 19th century cliche for describing babies.
Of course, you could also use it to describe how to prepare root vegetables.
The song was written as snark. The original lyric was :“Have yourself a merry little Christmas / It may be your last/ Next year we may all be living in the past.” Judy Garland complained that if she sang that to Margaret O’Brien (5 at the time) everyone would think she was a monster. The songwriter changed it with great reluctance.
Another lyric that got deep-sixed was “Have yourself a merry little Christmas / Pop that champagne cork / Next year we may all be living in New York.”
Maybe this backstory will improve the song a bit for you.
Last Christmas. The singer seems pretty blasé about the whole thing.
“Grandma got run over by a Reindeer” worst song ever may the song writer and performers roast in hell for eternity. Best christmas song “Xmas at Kmart” by Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band with the Rootettes from 1978 it got him a record contract.
I have a few that I would mind never hearing ever again:
- Wham’s “Last Christmas”… every single other version of that song is a hundred times better at least. While I love George Michael’s singing, he just doesn’t do that song justice.
- Any Christmas song sung by a male country singer: You all know you’re desperate when you hear some George Strait type singing “Winter Wonderland” extremely poorly.
- “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”… nuff said.
- “The Christmas Shoes”… just let that songwriter rot in Hell and we’re all good to go.
But then there are a few that I have a decided soft spot for that everyone else seems to despise:
- Bruce Springsteen’s Santa Claus is Coming to Town
- Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
- Wonderful Christmastime (although there’s a really silly parody by Palette Swap Ninja about not being able to find any Wiis at Christmastime that I find hysterical and sometimes I’ll swap the lyrics to both of them in my head)
- The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year (yeah yeah I know, but I grew up with that one in fairly heavy rotation and I don’t actually hate it)
- And I like almost every version of “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” including the original John and Yoko version… I even like Celine Dion’s version!
And another one that I haven’t seen mentioned yet that some people really are mixed on is “Christmas Through Your Eyes” by Gloria Estefan. It’s such a sweet song.
I agree that the right singer(s) can make all the difference.
The song I have always despised – came out of the womb despising – is “Little Drummer Boy”. It is not possible to make that song listen-able. Not possible. Worst song ever.
And then Pentatonix did this:
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At the mall, I was wondering what Last Christmas would sound like if it was done in an operatic style-- you know, the sort of passionate love that leads to wailing, revenge, and suicide.
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The Barenaked Ladies version of Jingle Bells off the “Barenaked for the Holidays” album. Actually, that whole album, but primarily that song.
Alternately, best Christmas album ever? Twisted Sister’s “A Twisted Christmas.”
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My vote is for Raffi’s Christmas Album. Christmas carols played simply and straightforwardly by someone who obviously likes the songs more than he likes adding extra syncopation. Plus, Raffi’s additions to the christmas genre are among the best: Must Be Santa is amazing, and I particularly like his “Christmas Morning” for it’s realistic goal setting:
We can sing and celebrate / and make the feeling stay / all through the day
When other people are writing songs about making that christmas spirit last all year, Raffi has the good sense to aim for something achievable.
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I’ll agree with you on their version of “Jingle Bells”, and that most of the album has not held up well, but “The Elf’s Lament” is hilarious!
I’m going back 60-odd years for this one, but I did hear it playing in a shopping centre the other week:
Spike Jones & His City Slickers - (All I Want For Christmas) Is My Two Front Teeth
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Probably true for ~50%…
or whether or not you can hear bells (from a commenter)
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Gulp. That’s me lost for words 2 nights in a row. Thanks for that.
I can’t even believe nobody’s mentioned “Jingle Bell Rock”, the single shittiest song ever written, asymptotically approaching the theoretical limit of Absolute Shitty.
I mean, yeah, “Wonderful Christmastime” is bad, but it ain’t “Jingle Bell Rock” bad.
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