When paddleboarding, this is not what you want to hear


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/05/12/when-paddleboarding-this-is-n.html


#2

“…we advise you to exit the water as soon as possible and remain—NO NOT THAT WAY!—remain calm.”


#3

I didn’t know sharks could advise anything


#4

but I wanna pet 'em!


#5

Just imagine if the sharks had helicopters.

“You are paddleboarding next to approximately 15 great white sharks. We are currently hunting in the area and you are scaring the seals. We are advising you exit the water in a calm manner. …Lest we feel compelled to, ya know, nibble at you.”


#6

Sharks can sense blood in the water. I wonder how well they can sense a paddleboarder shitting/pissing their pants in fear.


#7

Plus wouldn’t they say something like “Ain’t no sharks 'round here. Proceed with your water frolicking. Uh, in fact could you come a little closer…I mean…uhm…feel free to enjoy the deeper water. It’s nicer out here. I mean there.”


#8

I dunno that I would take direction from a shark, tbh


#9

#10

If something tells me it’s going to eat me, and it can eat me, I’d take it at its word


#11

Chris Christie says hi.


#12

“Candygram!”


#13

It’s a trap!


#14

Gee, thanks, copper. What’s a guy gotta do to get a snack around here?!


#15

I thought it was the swallows that flocked around Capistrano.


#16

Sharks. Deadly, deadly sharks. And did we mention they’re Arabs? A threat to our Christian woman!


#17

Indeed, if a shark whispered to me to get out of the water, or it’d eat me, I’d listen.

All jokes aside, they are amazingly powerful creatures. Last summer, I had a bad day of fishing where I was trying to hook into big saltwater fish (2-3 feet), but only ever manager to hook into 10 foot long sharks. (Which of course, I was not prepared for, and they wrecked my gear)

(I wasn’t hooked into him in this pic, but shortly after. My heart was pounding right after he broke me off!)


#18

Well they chew a bit off and swallow…


#19

Is that ten foot-long sharks, or one ten-foot-long shark?

I’ve seen the foot-long sharks around. They don’t look like much, but they’re poisonous.


#20

Several ten foot long sharks. (And a few closer to 8) Earlier in the summer I caught several one to two foot long sharks.