Why are so many empty Vaseline containers appearing on this road in Calgary?


No, but sadly we thought it was the stuff to use whence we were youngsters…


I feel like this would be one of those investigations where it ends up with just some haggard detective talking about things that can’t be unseen and knowledge no one wants.


There are serial killers, and I think this is a serial wanker. He could just use the vaseline and chuck it in the trash, but then he’s just jerking off in secret. He wants the WORLD to know just how much of a jerkoff he is.


It’s a sign of the end times.

From the Not Quite Gnostic Gospels:

'Twas a weary thing to walk the road to Calgary bearing his cross, and 'lo didst Simon of Cyrene, late of Manitoba, ease our Lord’s chafing with a small tub of petrolatum he didst keep about his person."


Oh, you guys found those? Sorry…
JK, of course.
Someone who can afford Vaseline but can’t afford a new wheel bearing maybe? I’ve heard of adding oil at pretty ridiculous rates, but packing a wheel bearing every few miles? For that long?
What else would need grease like that?

Yeah, sex jokes… but that shit is pretty much the worst lube ever.


Fingerprints should be easy to find.


I heard it can be an effective lubricant on a certain kind yoyo axle (transaxle).


15-20? We cannot count? I think these workers need a remedial math refresher.


Maybe there’s an illicit fisting operation going on? Like a pay to give or get kind of operation. In the backseat of a car late at night. Canada has its share of conservative politicians.

Btw, I think “Illicit Fisting” would make a great band name.

Go easy on them – even if it was 10 empty jars a month, the mind is too busy reeling, trying to account for how, why, when etc.


If they are empty, then they are not jars of Vaseline. They’re just jars.


Oh it’s probably just a drug chemistry thing.
Some enterprising person has figured out a way to use vaseline somehow to make drug money.


I thought it was a byproduct of existing oil manufacture?


What is, petroleum jelly?

AFAIK, you are correct.


Sorry, Calgary.

Busy night.


i’m pretty sure i don’t want to know.


Then out of the night came a terrible scream, “Who put the sand in the Vaseline?”


Sheesh Bob. Just another talking head…

You beat me to it, but have you considered it might be Leo?? We ran into this problem back in the day in Tejas when he was getting his machine gun going. Check it out yerself -


How about a post partum-prank? New moms use up tons of Vaseline on their baby’s backside in a month, while a jar may last years for the rest of us. I like the idea of a rouge new moms facebook group pulling pranks like this. Hey, let’s drop our empty Vaseline jars all in one place. New moms need entertainment that gets them out of the house.


Beat (heh.) me to it:


Reptoids use it to squeeze into their skin suits.
Or so I’ve been told :slight_smile: