Why don't ice cream sandwiches melt anymore? Because they're full of weird crap


They’re also never really frozen, or anywhere near crispy.

Except for the Oreo branded ones.


For additional fun, consult the McDonalds shake:

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artificial junk

Xanthan gum and guar gum, both of which are natural products… guar from the guar bean, xanthan gum from Xanthamonas campestris, a natural bacterium… which make their way into perfectly healthy vegan cheesecake and ice cream…

It goes to show how crappy the ice cream in those sandwiches must be that they add that many edible hydrocolloids to it for texturizing that it doesn’t even flow when melted, but artificial crap it is not.


Guar, carageenan and cellulose gum, the first two of which are natural and the second of which is lightly modified cellulose. If anything it shows Mickey D’s is too cheap - er, I mean health conscious, to put in proper butterfat to make their shake creamy…


jtf is right on the money: This isn’t artificial chemical goo, it’s natural chemical goo. I’d have no qualms about it eating other than the fact that it’s purchased from a company whose policies I disagree with. Look at most so-called greek yogurts, and you’ll see the same array of gums and starches in most of them. Find the ones that don’t have gums or starches (note: compare the plain yog versions, as most fruit fillings require some stabilizers), and you’ll get more protein, probably fewer carbs.


Perhaps they should call it preternatural junk?

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Nah, by that standard everything we eat is preternatural junk to varying degrees. Unless you want to stop supplementing orange juice with vitamin D and calcium…

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There are a few more…

Cellulose Gum, Carrageenan, Carob Bean Gum, Guar Gum
and a some Polysorbate 80 to mix it together...

I’m fairly certain, this is also by design. The weird food wizards are probably patting themselves on the back for this kind of recognition.

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Duh, 21st century – all ice cream should be astronaut ice cream. Bloody Luddites and your melting ice cream.


Honestly, that ingredient list makes it look a lot like soft serve ice cream. And say what you might about it, soft serve is definitely one of my guilty pleasures…


“I thought that’s quite weird,” she said. “So I looked at the box, and it doesn’t say artificial ice cream. It says ice cream.”

Pray tell, where in nature does ice cream exist?


No problem with it either… Even my natural/organic/etc-food wife has a weakness for soft serve (and skinny cow ice cream sandwiches that probably have more artificial stuff than Walmart’s – they do melt, though)


A box of 12 from Wal-mart costs $3. That’s THREE dollars. These aren’t artisan snacks. And this isn’t a new thing, she just never realized it. 20 years ago when I was a kid I threw half an uneaten sandwich under a tree on vacation. 4 hours later it was still unmelted. That’s when I discovered this phenomenon of nature.


On an Antarctic dairy farm?

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You cannot go against nature,

because when you do

go against nature

that’s a part of nature too

—The lovely rockets.


Here in Canuckistan the labelling guidelines distinguish between “ice cream” and “frozen dairy dessert” products, based on content. Probably something like that is what she is talking bout.

I dunno if labelling practices the same down there, but what is labelled ice cream here melts, for the same reason that Wal-Mart’s says theirs doesn’t, content.


The meaning of “Healthy” has changed! How long was I asleep for?

Or was it “non-toxic”? Did they say “non-toxic” or “healthy”? Easy to confuse the two I guess what with the similar spelling & pronunciation.


I read the paragraph and thought: oh, that’s not as bad as I thought it would be.

And then I realized the first paragraph gave the ingredients for the first ingredient. There were more paragraphs, each one listing the ingredients for each of the ingredients that made up the shake. O_o