Why old statues have tiny penises

Seems relevant.

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Pleases forgive me.

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One town has a detachable penis for its statue of Heracles.

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Classical peoples had at least two mythical hypersexualized beings to represent and personify male sexuality: Priapus (a minor god) and of course satyrs, happy woodland creatures who spent their lives chasing nymphs. The lower photograph in the post shows a satyr. Note hoofs instead of feet.

They also had centaurs, who were presumably hung like horses.

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Supposedly, yes!

From the best source I can find right now:

The curator responsible for the classical statuary (so the story goes) had for years kept all the detached penises in a shoe box, each one numerically labeled to match it with its body.

https://www.oneonta.edu/faculty/farberas/arth/arth200/Body/male_trouble2.html

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The fact that the Greeks and Romans put small dicks on the statues doesn’t mean they preferred small dicks in general. It was more about divine proportion in a certain segment of high art sculpture… Gods and demigods with large genitalia were popular, but also thought of as crass and animalistic. As @jfuller notes: see Priapus

I remember a paper about this in grad school, but it always irritated me that they focused so narrowly on just the sculptures they choose to include… It’s clear that there were a wide range of depictions, and I’m sure the renaissance culture that ‘rediscovered’ classical sculpture had something to do with which ones we talk about.

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Reminds me of a Drew Carey joke:

My dick is so big it has its own dick. And even my dick’s dick is bigger than your dick.

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Japanese statue penis:

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English penis statue:

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There’s a lot going on with that statue.

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I just didn’t want the Europe versus Africa dichotomy to stand unchallenged.

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Well, here’s a North American one then.

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If you look at the plays from Ancient Greece you’ll find that they found huge, erect penises hilarious. The example statue in the article is representative of that.

Perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on stage is a hearty production of Lysistrata. It’s perhaps our best extant example of a “satyr” play. The entire 2nd half has every male running around with two and three foot long bulges sticking out from under their togas.

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Those were spears!

(ahem)

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We’re posting images of North American dicks, right?

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I watched a film production of that in a Greek literature class in college. The professor turned it off – close to the ending – when the orgy broke out.

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I remember watching a documentary about Pompeii at school, and the teacher fast-forwarded the bit about the uncovered brothel.
Spoilsports :frowning:

(and there’s a definite upper limit on size, after which it becomes uncomfortable for both parties)

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Isn’t there also a case to be made for the viewing angle being a consideration? My understanding is that many Greek and Roman statues were meant to be displayed from an elevated position, and therefore viewed from beneath. In order to make up for the viewing angle, such statues were often sculpted with larger heads, and with the mouth in a slight “smile”; to the viewer below, the head appears more normal (less pin-headed, at least), and the expression more neutral. I would imagine that viewing a large statue from beneath, larger genitalia might also appear excessively large in size, at least compared to the upper torso.

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Yeah, yeah, We just keep telling ourselves that. And clicking our heels thrice together might work too.