Why old statues have tiny penises


#1

[Read the post]


#2

I thought it was because most statues were originally designed to be in fountains, where they would be exposed to a constant flow of cold water, and, well, you know, the old masters were sticklers for realism…


#3

#4

Wait, what do you mean “tiny”? Looks normal to me. Aren’t most men growers, not showers?


#5

Rodin’s statue of Balzac has a fitting tribute to him. That’s not a banana in his pocket.


#6

foolishness, lust and ugliness

Don’t I recall somebody in the news recently bragging about his junk?


#7

I bet his Balzac is pretty large, too.


#8

I thought it was at least in part because kids found it funny to take hammers and knock the one-eyed wonders off herma. Making them smaller would make it harder (pun not intended but still funny) to desecrate the statues, although what I recall about the trial of Alcibiades was that a lot of people didn’t find it so funny.

Of course it’s been a long time since I studied all that and I only barely passed Latin.


#9

I fully expect the “irellevant police” will be all over this.


#10


#11

Being real for a moment, comparing penis size is like comparing breast size. Perhaps these types of comparisons are shallow.


#12

I’ve got this photo of a lamp that was allegedly recovered from a Pompeiian brothel.

The bell is kind of in the way, but this guy’s got a giant penis … with another penis on the tip.


#13

So, all those times my reasoning and logical skills have been praised…?


#14

Originally I was going to guess “erosion and weathering”.


#15

European statue penis:

African statue penis:


#16

Yeah, that’s the excuse I always give…


#17

I say, does this not call for a NSFW tag?


#18

Isn’t the word “penises” in the headline warning enough?


#19

I visited Greece a couple of years back, and saw a bunch of statues without any penis at all - seems like they’d all fallen off or been removed. All I could think to myself was “I guess somewhere there’s a big box of penises waiting to be reunited with their owners…”


#20

Sad, lonely penises.