Why old statues have tiny penises


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I thought it was because most statues were originally designed to be in fountains, where they would be exposed to a constant flow of cold water, and, well, you know, the old masters were sticklers for realism…



Wait, what do you mean “tiny”? Looks normal to me. Aren’t most men growers, not showers?


Rodin’s statue of Balzac has a fitting tribute to him. That’s not a banana in his pocket.


foolishness, lust and ugliness

Don’t I recall somebody in the news recently bragging about his junk?


I bet his Balzac is pretty large, too.


I thought it was at least in part because kids found it funny to take hammers and knock the one-eyed wonders off herma. Making them smaller would make it harder (pun not intended but still funny) to desecrate the statues, although what I recall about the trial of Alcibiades was that a lot of people didn’t find it so funny.

Of course it’s been a long time since I studied all that and I only barely passed Latin.


I fully expect the “irellevant police” will be all over this.



Being real for a moment, comparing penis size is like comparing breast size. Perhaps these types of comparisons are shallow.


I’ve got this photo of a lamp that was allegedly recovered from a Pompeiian brothel.

The bell is kind of in the way, but this guy’s got a giant penis … with another penis on the tip.


So, all those times my reasoning and logical skills have been praised…?


Originally I was going to guess “erosion and weathering”.


European statue penis:

African statue penis:


Yeah, that’s the excuse I always give…


I say, does this not call for a NSFW tag?


Isn’t the word “penises” in the headline warning enough?


I visited Greece a couple of years back, and saw a bunch of statues without any penis at all - seems like they’d all fallen off or been removed. All I could think to myself was “I guess somewhere there’s a big box of penises waiting to be reunited with their owners…”


Sad, lonely penises.