With enough mayonnaise, isn't everything edible?

Continuing the discussion from Do you want to play questions?:

#What’s your favorite inedible item, now made edible in a fantastic recipe featuring either mayonnaise or jello?

##Okay, okay – or featuring mayonnaise and jello?!??!!!

Please post a complete recipe.
Instructions optional.
Images and gifs optional, but always welcome.

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Recipes with mayonnaise… Um, I live in the Midwest.

Let’s do this.


You don’t really want the recipe, do you?


are you serious?

diced chicken breast with mayonnaise is edible. otherwise, i would argue differently.

overcooked elbow pasta?

pickles, onion, mayo, totally edible. marinara or pesto? nope.


If you ask me, mayo itself is inedible… I prefer hummus or mustard as a food lubricant.


#Office Tongues in Aspic

Clean and de-seed a mature Swingline Fullstrip desk stapler.
Prepare standard gelatine in favorite flavor.
If using a non-black Swingline, be sure to use a complementary color.
Add 2tbs extra clear gelatine.
Add Swingline(remember that in presentation the mold is generally upturned, so orient the Swingline appropriately).
Chill minimum of 6 hours.


Perhaps, but the trick is that “enough” mayonnaise might be a relatively small amount. Freshly-made is by far preferable. Although the kewpie wasabi mayonnaise I think is rather good.


#The Ultimate Creamy Beef Wellingtons a la Vulcan

Total Time: 2 hr 30 min
Prep: 1 hr
Inactive: 30 min
Cook: 1 hr

Yield: 6 to 8 servings


For the Duxelles:
3 pints (1 1/2 pounds) white button mushrooms
2 shallots, peeled and roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic, peeled and roughly chopped
2 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves only
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the Beef:
1 (3-pound) center cut beef tenderloin ( filet mignon), trimmed
Extra-virgin olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
12 thin slices prosciutto
6 sprigs of fresh thyme, leaves only
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
Flour, for rolling out puff pastry
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 gallon mayonnaise
1/2 teaspoon coarse sea salt
Minced chives, for garnish
Green Peppercorn Sauce, recipe follows
Roasted Fingerling Potatoes
Warm Wilted Winter Greens, recipe follows

For the Wellingtons:
1 pair waterproof Wellington boots (any design)

Green Peppercorn Sauce:
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 shallots, sliced
2 cloves garlic, peeled and smashed
3 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves only
1 cup brandy
1 box beef stock
2 cups cream
2 tablespoons grainy mustard
1/2 cup green peppercorns in brine, drained, brine reserved

Roasted Fingerling Potatoes with Fresh Herbs and Garlic:
2 pints fingerling potatoes
2 sprigs fresh rosemary
2 to 3 sprigs fresh sage
3 sprigs fresh thyme
6 cloves garlic, left unpeeled
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus for sheet pan
Salt and pepper

Warm Wilted Winter Greens:
1/4 cup honey
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
1/2 pint walnuts, for garnish
3 bunches assorted winter greens (such as Swiss chard, radicchio, or escarole), washed, stemmed, and torn into pieces
1 tablespoon grainy mustard
Extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 cup pomegranate seeds, for garnish
Parmesan shavings, for garnish
1 shallot, chopped, for garnish

For the Beef:

To make the Duxelles: Add mushrooms, shallots, garlic, and thyme to a food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Add butter and olive oil to a large saute pan and set over medium heat. Add the shallot and mushroom mixture and saute for 8 to 10 minutes until most of the liquid has evaporated. Season with salt and pepper and set aside to cool.

To prepare the beef: Tie the tenderloin in 4 places so it holds its cylindrical shape while cooking. Drizzle with olive oil, then season with salt and pepper and sear all over, including the ends, in a hot, heavy-based skillet lightly coated with olive oil - about 2 to 3 minutes. Meanwhile set out your prosciutto on a sheet of plastic wrap (plastic needs to be about a foot and a half in length so you can wrap and tie the roast up in it) on top of your cutting board. Shingle the prosciutto so it forms a rectangle that is big enough to encompass the entire filet of beef. Using a rubber spatula cover evenly with a thin layer of duxelles. Season the surface of the duxelles with salt and pepper and sprinkle with fresh thyme leaves. When the beef is seared, remove from heat, cut off twine and smear lightly all over with Dijon mustard. Allow to cool slightly, then roll up in the duxelles covered prosciutto using the plastic wrap to tie it up nice and tight. Tuck in the ends of the prosciutto as you roll to completely encompass the beef. Roll it up tightly in plastic wrap and twist the ends to seal it completely and hold it in a nice log shape. Set in the refrigerator for 30 minutes to ensure it maintains its shape.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

Fill interior of Wellingtons with mayonnaise, 2 cups reserved. Slice beef in half, placing one half inside of each boot. Ensure that the mayonnaise forms a coating around and on top of the beef. Brush exterior of boots with reserved mayonnaise (optional). Top with coarse sea salt.

Lower oven to 150 degrees and bake for 8 hours minutes at 5 atomspheres pressure until Wellingtons are smoking black and beef registers 125 degrees F on an instant-read thermometer. Remove from oven and rest before cutting into thick slices. Garnish with minced chives, and serve with Green Peppercorn Sauce, Roasted Fingerling Potatoes, and Warm Wilted Winter Greens.

Green Peppercorn Sauce:

Add olive oil to pan after removing beef. Add shallots, garlic, and thyme; saute for 1 to 2 minutes, then, off heat, add brandy and flambe using a long kitchen match. After flame dies down, return to the heat, add stock and reduce by about half. Strain out solids, then add 2 cups cream and mustard. Reduce by half again, then shut off heat and add green peppercorns.
Roasted Fingerling Potatoes with Fresh Herbs and Garlic:

Preheat oven to 500 degrees F and place a baking sheet inside to heat.

Add potatoes, rosemary, sage, thyme, and garlic to a medium bowl. Drizzle with olive oil, and season with salt and pepper. Remove sheet pan from oven, lightly coat with olive oil, and pour potatoes onto pan. Place potatoes in oven and reduce heat to 425 degrees F. Roast for 20 minutes, or until crispy on outside and tender on inside.

Warm Wilted Winter Greens:

Cook honey and balsamic together over medium-high heat in a large saute pan, about 5 minutes. Toast walnuts in a small skillet; set aside to cool.

Pile greens on a platter. Stir mustard into balsamic-honey dressing, then whisk in about 1 cup extra-virgin olive oil; pour over greens. Season greens with salt and pepper and garnish with walnuts, pomegranate seeds, shavings of Parmesan, and shallot.


Oh dear…


Mayo certainly made Chicago-rock more palatable.

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Artichokes are ingenious devices for oral delivery of mayonnaise.


#Taj Mahal Dijonnaise

1 Taj Mahal
50,000 drums mayonnaise
20,000 drums Dijon mustard

Clean Taj Mahal, taking care to break none of the filigree.
Mix mayonnaise and mustard in large mixing bowl until consistent color throughout.
Spread Dijonnaise over Taj Mahal, taking care to introduce into filigree.
Garnish with cornichons.


I have a sensitive stomach, so I don’t think I’d be able to eat mayonnaise.

But everyone’s mileage may vary. I remember looking around online, to see why mint induces nausea and vomiting, but apparently for most people it relieves nausea, so I wasn’t able to find useful answers. Same for why Benedryl induces anaphylaxis.


needs cheddar and marshmelons.

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savory sausage, durian, and blue cheese tart salad.

take one sausage, one durian, and one blue cheese and puree them till chunky. it is important the consistency is still chunky. add a teaspoon of ammonia, and combine equal parts with mayo.

serve on top of fermented shark with a nice chablis that has been open, sitting in a hot shed for three years.


I think that would go better with salad cream.

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First off, you have to make the mayo proper:

  • An egg
  • Good quality olive oil
  • Fresh squeezed lemon juice

Blend egg up in blender. Keep blender going. Drizzle in olive oil very slowly and let it emulsify. Add lemon juice to taste.

Possibly a little cajun seasoning.


While I generally like mayo, especially Thomy and Kewpie brands, I’ve often said that I’d eat dog shit if it was covered in really good satay sauce…


ooh, how about equal parts salad cream, marmite, and liverwurst.


I’ve always been very ambivalent about marmite.