Woman Texas politician proposes rectal exams, fines, mandatory literature and masturbation ban for men

[LurkingGrue]

At first I rolled my eyes thinking it was a religious BS thing until I realized it this is performance art.

[Czanne]

See, the thing is, boys and men and others with outie equipment, ya’ll really should be required to get your junk handled and inspected annually. You do not want testicular cancer or prostate cancer. They’re pretty damn silent, pretty damn painless, and if they spread, you are pretty damn dead. You want a professional giving you an undercarriage inspection at least once a year, because the preventative maintenance is a lot easier and you will hate it a lot less. That’s why Pap smears and hormonal contraceptives get skewered together for us with the innie equipment – cervical cancer is also more or less silent and painless until it is too late.

So while this is a satirical proposal, every single one of you should be demanding parts of this from your health care providers.

You do not want to die of metastasized prostate or testicular cancer. Neither are pretty. Both are incredibly painful. Both take a long time. Both take away your boner long before they take away your life.

Besides, it’s not like we squish your plums between a couple of metal plates. The exams could be a whole lot worse.

[hecep]

@Bobo

Yeah! Does the law specifically say human vagina?

[L_Mariachi]

God’s masturbation solution is to use both hands? He might be onto something!

[Wanderfound]

@Brainspore

@Papasan

So spanking your monkey is still OK?

Depends on whether Texas’ statutes on animal abuse are as backward as the ones on reproductive rights.

I recall a story from a few years ago. IIRC, bestiality is legal in Texas…so long as it’s heterosexual bestiality.

[miasm]

It sounds like she might have missed a trick.

[teknocholer]

@Czanne

They’re pretty damn silent,
pretty damn painless,
and if they spread,
you are pretty damn dead.

Curse the new 30-day rule that closed this thread!

Accidental (or Incidental) BBS Poetry

A thread for poetry that emerges from the comments on the BBS. Not a place for direct song parodies, movie dialog parodies, or intentional, specific poem parodies, but rather honest to goodness comments that just happen to strike your poem sense. String multiple comments together from multiple users if the sum is greater than the parts… Bonus points (Whose Line disclaimer…) if you can name the poet their comment evoked for you. And if people start “cheating” and writing their comments poetica…

I’m not sure if this is accidental or incidental, but either way, masterfully done.

[IronEdithKidd]

@Czanne

it’s not like we squish your plums between a couple of metal plates.

Well, that’s just not fair. I propose that men seeking a Viagra prescription shall be subjected to a mammogram in addition to the rectal exam.

[anon67050589]

Funny thing is, it could actually save some lives. People forget that men get breast cancer too.

[IronEdithKidd]

Shhhh!!! I’m aware of that (there was a guy in the waiting room last time I went for the torture plates), but looking to preserve the appearance not-medically-necessary.