So you know better than people who spend time studying the issue? That you can speak to the experiences of 7 billion other people on the planet and their sexuality? Really?
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Is that really where it needs to go? Why do that? Why take it to some extreme point.
No I do not. I didn’t claim I did. I made a sarcasm laced response “someone must be lying” which isn’t intended to debunk a study or claim I know better than…
you know what never mind. Because if you read that and came to that conclusion than discussing it with you is like discussing something with a Trump supporter. pointless.
I just think we’re trying to point out here that you’re making broad generalizations based on a, as you note, a trope. Research tells a different story and you just rejected that out of hand by assuming that people are lying. I mean, what do you want women to say to tropes that we find particularly hurtful to us.
I don’t think there is a need to get defensive about it.
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I also don’t think you should apply genderism to a trope that effects both genders. But again, whats the point in discussing it. You are only going to slam any stance I take or point I make. Any slight joke or sarcastic quip will be thrown back and analyzed as if it were a serious comment or counterpoint. You attack my comment and then dismiss me being defensive?
right.
(Saved you the trouble @anon61221983 !)
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I don’t want any of them to be the mouth. Can it just be a circle?
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I do think that the trope is that women become frigid once they “land” a man. But this is indeed a trope which hurts both men and women, that men are insatiable when it comes to sex and women only want either the emotion part of sex or they are just in it for the pay off.
I’m not attacking you, I’m trying to figure out why you’d just assume that people lie to researchers and why you think that the trope is more truth than fiction meant to keep women AND men in their assigned gender roles.
I’m afraid you’re being a bit defensive here.
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“How dare you put your hands up while I’m trying to hit you?!”
Because I expressly stated above (in a moment of seriousness outside of the joke) that it is common for the sexual part of a marriage to fail because of LIFE happening around the two people. I never said it was because of a woman being frigid and a man being a sex maniac. While that may in fact be why some marriages have sexual issues, I personally do not think that is what the common cause is. Maybe my experience is anecdotal, but speaking personally with 3 kids, two careers, continuing education, a personal business, and coaching up to 5 soccer teams per year…we both find ourselves laying in bed thankful we have a free few hours to actually sleep. Our sex life suffers for it.
Yes I am being defensive, because you did in fact misrepresent what I said and my intention and meaning behind it.
@quorihunter made pretty broad statements about the trope of marriage being devoid of sex. If he thinks that’s true for most married couples, I’d like to know why that is.
But yes, asking for clarification on a trope that research has shown to be generally untrue is just being a real bitch. You know us women, always nagging!
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Can you point out where I accused you of being a bitch or of nagging?
If nowhere, could you explicitly retract the implication?
Thanks in advance.
I know. Rape often doesn’t have much to do with sexual desires, but rather the desire to dominate. Same with pedophilia. I don’t watch straight porn very often, but I’m familiar with Deen, the few videos I saw seemed super abusive.
Sure. And you can certainly make the argument that this might happen for some people. But it’s still not necessarily true for most, which is what you said. Not all married people have children. Not all married people deprioritize sex for other things. Not all people with children are married.
And I wasn’t implying you said those things, I was explaining where the basis of the trope comes from and why of the women here (and I’d hope lots of the men here, if not all of you) would object to it. Not because of the real reasons that some people might have less sex in marriage, but because of the basis of the trope, which has little to do with the daily lives people have.[quote=“anon61833566hunter, post:89, topic:100633”]
Maybe my experience is anecdotal
[/quote]
Well, yes, but so is all of our experiences! Taken togehter, if we did a poll of all of us who are married and what our sex lives are like (not that we should, mind you!), we’d probably find a variety of experiences, including some who have less sex and some who manage to have more sex.
I don’t believe I did misrepresent, because I was speaking to the trope, not to what you are saying about sex and marriage. If you thought I was implying that, I really wasn’t.
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The second sentence was indeed being sarcastic. If you can’t see that, then what can I do. Feel free to flag it, if you feel it’s out of line.
You did accuse me of “punching” at @quorihunter which I was not doing. I was certainly challenging him on his assumptions about marriage and sex. I’d like to think that we’re all adults and can handle that.
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actually…it started with this from @AndreStmaur
Well… Yes, obviously. I mean: I don’t know whether it is linked to another social behavior. Maybe I’ll explain.
For women, low self-esteem is linked with an increase of casual sex, unwanted pregnancies, etc… But we don’t know (or at least I don’t know) whether low sexual activity is linked to anything. One could imagine, for example, that it is mainly women dependent from religious groups who do not have sex. Or, one could imagine that it is mainly strong women who do not want to submit to men and concentrate on their career. One could imagine plenty of things, we just don’t know.
Neither do we know much about women who have many casual partners. We know that women with low self-esteem tend to have more casual partners, but the opposite may not be true. Amongst the population of women with many casual partners we could have all the women with low self esteem and also plenty of women with high self esteem. We don’t know that.
All the statistics we have come from studies designed to understand the spread of STDs. People at the CDC design their study to find risky behaviors (leading to STDs and unwanted pregnancies). They don’t have money to study the rest. OTOH, they have pretty accurate statistics about the sexual behaviors of interest, because they have the money to ask really a lot of people (compared to other social studies) and can recoup their data with other medical data.
I then quoted just the above bold part and replied marriage with a laughing emoticon.
Of course heaven forbid a cake just be a cake. Its a joke based on the trope that marriage is the cause of low sexual activity. But you know what…you’re right. I clearly wasn’t cracking wise…I was trying to debunk all studies on marriage and sex. Clearly I was not making a snark comment. I was tying to isolate a point there and hammer home something something something…I don’t even know what you tell me what I was trying to do please.
“How dare you put your hands up while I’m trying to hit you?!”
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I’m not @AndreStmaur, though.
Well, didn’t @Sagoli try to make a joke back and you sort of got upset about that?
And I sort of did object to you stating that people were lying, as if your experiences were everyones. I don’t think that’s fair. Your experiences are yours, and they’re true for you. I’d guess that, anecdotally, many people, men and women, might totally agree with you. Others wouldn’t.
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I absolutely feel you implied that.But I will take this how I feel you intended it.
I did not, but if you think I’m lying about that, then there isn’t much I can do about that. Sorry.
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Again, if you think what I’ve said is inappropriate, you should flag it. That’s what the mods want us to do here.
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